When It Feels Like a Waste

Ever feel like what you're doing is just a waste?

Let me paint you a picture. Feel free to fill in the blanks with your own situation.

So basically Isaiah is chattin' it up with God in Isaiah 49.

God says, "You are my servant, and you will bring Me glory."

But Isaiah replies, “But my work for them seems so useless--like it's all in vain!
I have spent my strength for them without response. Feels like it's for nothing and to no purpose. It's all a WASTE."

Sound familiar? In Isaiah's case, it was all about the fact that he was laboring on Jerusalem's behalf and seeing nothing come from it.

What is it in your case? What's that thing that feels utterly useless?

Your time poured into a ministry?
Your hours spent building into the lives of your children?
Your efforts in your marriage?
Your prayers for the one who really needs them but refuses to recognize it?

Ultimately, though, even in the midst of what feels like wasted time Isaiah says, "Yet I leave it all in the Lord’s hand;
I will trust God for my reward.”

And God Almighty replies,

“At just the right time, I will respond to you.

And I will make My mountains into level paths for them.

I WILL comfort you and have compassion on you in your suffering.

You say I've deserted you and forgotten you. Never! Can a mother forget her nursing child?
Can she feel no love for the child she has borne?
But even if that were possible, I would not forget you! See, I have written your (YOUR, reader!) name on the palms of My hands. Always in My mind is a picture of Jerusalem’s walls in ruins (i.e. your walls, your circumstances, what you're going through--it is EVER BEFORE MY EYES).

And the bottom line is this: Those who trust in Me will never be put to shame--those who hope in Me WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED (that means YOU, you person reading this blog right now. When you have trusted ME for the outcome, your trust is not misplaced).”

So you seemingly have nothing to show for your labors. Your efforts seem to yield no fruit--I mean, zip, nada, nothing--or maybe just far too little fruit for your liking. It's frustrating, I know.

But today we can claim truth over it all. We can love and serve confidently, knowing our walls are ever before Him--He sees it all--HE KNOWS.

So what's that thing that FEELS like a waste--a waste of your time, your efforts, and probably most importantly--YOUR HEART?

It is not a waste. It is NOT a waste. IT IS NOT A WASTE! Those who hope in Him will not be disappointed. "Do not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up" (Galatians 6:9).

"Rorry."

Lately my tiny Aila has been doing things that warrant an apology. Nothing too terrible, but an "I'm sorry" is in order.

And when she apologizes, it comes out, "Rorry." So when she smacks her brother (who, between you and me and the deep blue sea, just might have had it coming), she gives him a hug, a gentle touch, and has to tell him she's "rorry."

It happened this morning, even. Hit. Hug. Gentle touch. And "Rorry."

In those moments, I want to scoop her up and give her a million kisses, because there is something so precious to me when I get glimpses of her contrite heart. Even when she has to have a quick time out, she melts into me in a new way when it's over. My heart is tendered toward my children when they hurt over something they've done (in their own 2-year old and 4-year old way). I think it's appropriate, whether we're young or old, to be grieved by our own sin, and to come to the Lord in apology -- where He will surely welcome us.

Makes me think of Psalm 51:17: The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

He welcomes us warmly when we come in confession and contrition. We are not met with an angry hand, but with open arms. And when I as His daughter return to Him, with love He receives me when I come to say I'm "rorry."

My Hands in the Trash Can

This morning I was holding my favorite pair of earrings as I leaned over the trash can. And thanks to my "spoiler alert" title of this post, I'm sure you can guess what happened...

For those not so quick on the uptake, I dropped one of my earrings right into the trash can.

Unfotunately, the trash was pretty full, and the earring was pretty tiny. So dooooown it went.

Had I not loved this pair of earrings, I would have just let it go. I mean, all kinds of fun stuff was in that trash can. Egg shells, and the dirt emptied from the vacuum cleaner, to name a few. It was gross. But thankfully, after some digging, I retrieved my earring and washed it off. A couple of times.

A far deeper loved motivated my Jesus to go "dumpster diving" for me several years ago. My life was in a pit of sin--I was wearing the muck and the mire of my depravity. And yet I was worth it to Him, and He went in for me and pulled me out. He made me clean--white as snow, in fact. Covered in righteousness where filth had once been.

"He redeems my life from the pit and crowns me with love and compassion" (Psalm 103). Beautiful!

Within Boundaries

We've discovered something new about our new dog Jack. We can open up the door and he'll run out, do his business, and come back in.

UNLEASHED!!!!

This is foreign to us! Our last two dogs were total escape artists. If we were to ever try that with them, they'd be halfway to the Dakotas within the hour. We always had to keep them on a leash if they were outside at all.

I was kind of mulling this over this morning. Even though Davey and Sadie were constantly running away, I loved them so much. And I don't love Jack any more than I loved Davey and Sadie just because he stays within the boundaries. But I cannot tell you how happy it makes me that he does. I mean, I am just ecstatic to see that little doggy running around the yard, all the while staying within the boundary lines.

God's love is for those who are constantly crossing the lines just as much as it is for those who stay within them. But how it PLEASES Him when we walk within the way He has established for us. Psalm 16:6 says, "The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance." His boundaries are good. They preserve my life.

There are lots of days when I don't even want to cross the boundary lines He has established. I recognize them as pleasing. But then there are other days when I just don't feel like being "confined." And on those days I'll wish I didn't want to cross them, but I do. Lord, where I want to cross the boundary lines, let me desire to do what pleases You more. I know You love me regardless, but I want to obey. So please strengthen me to trust that You have loved me so much that you set up boundary lines for me in pleasant places, and have prepared for me a delightful inheritance. And I know that to believe I'm being confined and constricted is a lie, because true freedom is only found within the boundaries You have established. "I RUN in the paths of Your commands, for You have set my heart free" (Ps. 119:32).

Poverty and Scarcity

This week it's come to my mind more than once (okay, several times) how I used to sleep soundly through the night and sleep in (until about 7-ish) most mornings. "Used to" is the operative phrase here. But not lately. No, lately the Word has been beckoning me at the most ridiculous hours. Yesterday at 3am I just had to know what the Bible says about being sustained (see two posts down from this one). I could not wait until morning to learn what it says about the way God upholds us. And while it's not always at crazy hours, I'm still usually beckoned out of bed a little earlier than I'd like to be conscious. But it's a hunger that pulls me out from under my comfy covers, excited to encounter what the Lord has prepared for me to come across in those pages. It's like I cannot wait for the collision between my heart and the truth I know awaits me.

So as I've kept thinking these past few days about the sleep I've lost, a passage from Proverbs ran through my mind. I knew it word for word but didn't know the reference--and that's the cool thing about being in the Word--it was just one of those verses I've read enough times that it was being embedded deeper into me each time I did, even though it's never jumped out at me until now. Well, after a bit of searching, I found the words in Proverbs 24. Verses 33 and 34 say:

"A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest,
and poverty will come on you like a bandit, and scarcity like an armed man."

To me, this has always meant that a lazy man will be without. But this morning the Lord spoke to me about all the times when I did sleep through what should have been my quiet times and said,

"Those days were marked by poverty and scarcity....

Poverty of spirit. And scarcity of fruit."

Wow. I mean, wow. What a terrible shame! But I have to look at it from the flip side...So if the opposite is true now--if my life is now marked by wealth of spirit and abundance of fruit, then it seems that giving up a few zzzzz's is hardly too high a price to pay.

More Podcasts!

A few more podcasts have been added -- Click HERE to listen!

The most recent podcasts are:

Jodianne Adams - Treasure Map / Putting it Back in the Box
Rae Cook - Spiral of Simple Obedience
Thea Nelson - No Flame for the Candles

Blessings!

Sustained

Recently a friend asked for prayer that she will be sustained. So last night I woke up in the night and began praying for her, and as I prayed I felt the Lord revealing.

It seemed He was saying, "I already AM sustaining her."

Then he gave me a mental image of a woman in a boat out in the middle of the ocean. She was frantically moving arms and legs in a swimming motion. Someone else in the boat asked, "What are you doing?" And she replied, "I'm out in the middle of the ocean--I have to swim or I'll sink!" Her friend says, "Right, I get that--but we're in a boat. The boat is holding us up and keeping us from sinking."
It really spoke to me. In the midst of vast oceans in which we could so easily fear slipping under, we need not fear. He is under us, around us, over us and within us. He is sustaining us. He is that boat we're in out in the middle of the water. No need to frantically flail about--He is holding us up.

I felt prompted to pray differently--not that He WILL sustain her, but more that His sweet sustenance, which is already in full effect in my friend's life, would be undeniable and more than evident to her in all her ways--that she will stand in God-confidence knowing He upholds her cause.

"So do not be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will UPHOLD you with my righteous right hand."

Isaiah 41:10

Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who SUSTAINS me.

Psalm 54:4

That is Some Seriously Strong Breath

No, I'm not talking about that person in your office who seriously needs a Tic-Tac.

In my quiet times I've begun to notice a recurring theme about the power that is in the breath of God.

It is spoken of OVER and OVER throughout the Bible.

So what does it matter? Well, this is the powerful breath that BREATHED life into you, His creation, so that you may live. It's the same breath that BREATHED all Scripture, making it powerful enough to teach, rebuke, correct, and train in righteousness. And it's the same power we find in Christ BREATHING His last so that you and I may live.

But there's more...
* At the blast of his BREATH, they are destroyed (Job 4:9).
* By His BREATH the skies became fair (Job 26:13).
* The BREATH of the Almighty gives understanding (Job 32:8).
* The BREATH of the Almighty gives me life (Job 33:4).
* His BREATH produces ice (Job 37:10)
* His BREATH sets coals ablaze (Job 41:21)
* Valleys of the sea were exposed and the foundations of the earth are laid bare at the blast of BREATH from His nostrils (Psalm 18:15).
* The starry hosts were made by the BREATH of His mouth (Psalm 33:6).
* With the BREATH of His lips He will slay the wicked (Isaiah 11:4).
* His BREATH is like a rushing torrent (Isaiah 30:28).
* The grass withers and the flowers fall, because the BREATH of the Lord blows on them (Isaiah 40:7).


Now that is some seriously strong breath.

Let everything that has BREATH praise the Lord.

Psalm 150:6

Red Light, Green Light

I really don't like red lights. Okay, so maybe it isn't so much the light that bugs me, but more the fact that I don't like being told, "Nope, not your turn. Can't go now. Gotta wait."

Today I left North Star's communion and prayer time--an AWESOME time in the middle of the day to meet with the Lord--and was running a couple of minutes behind as I headed to a meeting. "Come on, Lord--I need some green lights here," I prayed. So I came to an intersection, only to get stopped at a red light. I furrowed my brow and waited for the light to turn.

So I kept driving and came up on the next intersection. A green light! And the next intersection--also a green light! Things were looking up. And do you know that I drove the rest of the drive there--almost 6 more miles and at least 8 more stoplights--with nothing but green lights? I made it to where I was going in record time!

I pulled into the parking lot and headed in for my meeting, all the while marveling that I had hit every green light except the first one. And in that moment I realized that the annoying red light I'd encountered had actually set the pace for me to hit all the rest of the lights when they were green!

I've come to a red light or two in my life, and I've usually gotten annoyed at having to wait, having to stop, having my pace interrupted, having to just be okay with the fact that it's just not my time and not my turn. But each and every red light has made a way for me to hit green ones at just the right time further down the road.

So the next time I get frustrated at the red lights, I need to remember that THE LORD ORDERS MY STEPS. And every "stop" prepares the way for every "go."

The Tenacious, Ginormous Spider

The mother of all spiders has been hanging out on my sliding glass door for weeks now. He's nothing short of huge...and tenacious as all get-out.

I first posted about him on our family blog a few weeks ago. Here he is (this is the back of him):

I feel like I'm learning a thing or two from this spider (or mini-tarantula). Every time we open the sliding glass door, the web is torn. Every time it rains, it knocks the whole thing down. But over, and over, and over again, that spider keeps spinning the most magnificent webs. If one gets destroyed, he's back at it again, and in no time we've got another masterpiece in the doorway.

I've been a bit of a "One and Done" kind of girl in the past--like I don't do very well getting back up on the horse when I get knocked off. But I'm trying to grow in this. Maybe I just need to learn a lesson from that tenacious, ginormous spider on my back door.

In the Desert...Prepare

Isaiah 40:3

In the desert prepare
the way for the Lord;
make straight in the wilderness
a highway for our God.

I've been sort of chewing on this verse this morning. I think because the way the verse looks in my Bible is just like how it is above--and the line "In the desert prepare" was one line that almost seemed to jump out at me. And while I don't think it's a good idea to pull Scripture out of context, it was as though the Lord really wanted me to consider these words this morning.

In the middle of the desert, prepare the way for the Lord. Clear a way (how it says it in the Hebrew) for our God.

This is a bit of a desert time right now. And I have felt an urging of the Spirit to just keep preparing. I even had a conversation about this very thing last week--I just know this is a time to be preparing so that when the Lord says, "Here we go," I'll be ready.

But it's not just about preparing physical things--it's a heart thing, too. And I love how we're called to "clear the way" for our God. So in my heart, what needs to clear out? Search me, O God, and know my heart-test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way ever-lasting--keep me from the path of temporal things and lead me along of path of things that with last FOREVER.

So can you relate to the whole "desert" thing? Maybe you're walking the wilderness, too. I really think that all we need to do is be faithful in what He has called us to do today, and in doing so, you are, and I am, preparing the way.

For the LORD!

How cool is that?

Won't Back Down

I never thought I would find myself deep in worship during a Tom Petty song, but it happened this week.

The closing song at church on Sunday was "Won't Back Down." I've heard it a million times before, but this time I heard it anew:

Well, I won't back down
No, I won't back down
You can stand me up at the gates of hell
but I won't back down

I bet Tom Petty never imagined that his song would have some girl ready to stand up with arms raised. I didn't, but everything in my spirit responded when I heard those words. I had been feeling a bit discouraged in ministry this week and found myself questioning my call a bit. "Toss in the towel" has come to mind a time or two this week--After all, right now is a season of preparation for things to come, but when the "things to come" are unseen, it's easy to cease praying, cease preparing, and back right on down.

But I can't back down, and I won't back down. Too much is at stake. And as for discouragement in my calling? Well, all I can say is that GREATER IS HE WHO IS IN ME THAN HE WHO IS IN THE WORLD. So you can stand me up at the gates of hell and I won't back down.

How I Know it Wasn't Poison Ivy

This morning I had an allergic reaction in my eye and told Trevor I needed to go get my eye drops since my eye was itchy. He said, "I think it's poison ivy." I told him I didn't think so, but he was convinced that was what I had going on. Finally I said, "I know it's not poison ivy because the only way to be affected by poison ivy is to be in it."

And in that moment I thought, "And so it is with the Word of God."

I'm not going to show a reaction to being in the Word if I haven't cracked open my Bible in days or weeks. I'm not going to be affected by truth if I haven't been exposed to it. The only way to get truth on me is to be in it.

There was no risk of having poison ivy--I was nowhere near it. But neither is there a hope of being transformed by the Word unless I am exposed to it.

A New Start at 42,000

On Saturday night I attended Ruby Berry's 60th birthday party. It was amazing to see this woman who spends her life pouring out love onto others, surrounded by the people who have been blessed by her faithfulness. And there were lots of people who had known her for years, who have done life with her, who shared stories of living and serving and growing in Christ together with her. It really impacted me and moved me to tears...

...not all happy ones.
You see, the Lord first gave me a glimpse of it in the Bible study I'm doing (The Search for Significance)--the fact that I AM GUARDED here. To a fault. Sure, I love. A lot. I care about the people around me here. But the past two or three weeks it's become (even painfully) obvious that I have a wall up living here in Georgia.

In California, I think I was pretty much wall-less. Born, raised, happy there. When Justin and I moved, it was certainly out of a "need to" rather than a "want to." And God's hand was very much in it--but sometimes God's leadings leave us kicking and screaming a bit, and that was how it was. And so even though God's compassions and provisions were evident on a daily basis here, I have come to realize that I have never let myself truly, truly be all here in my heart.
Even more than SIX YEARS LATER.

Another factor is that I am held back by fear of rejection. My first year at Mount Paran, I asked another teacher if she and her fiance' would like to come over for dinner. She didn't respond, changed the subject, and even seemed to avoid me for a bit. Later, I discovered that she had about a billion friends already, so I tried not to take it too personally that she didn't need one more. But all I wanted was ONE. And it hurt me very, very much, and set up how I would approach future interactions. Or, avoid them altogether, should I say.

I cried the whole way home from Ruby's party. All I could think was how Ruby has loved and opened herself up and been vulnerable, and the fruit of her faithfulness was all over that room. Jam-packed into that room! And yet while I do love and try to show love to those around me here, and I do try to be honest and real, I go out of my way to avoid any scenario in which I could be rejected. I don't call people up and ask to go to coffee or hang out very much, or like EVER. In a group setting, I'm fine. But one-on-one I'm just so gosh-darn scared of being rejected that I don't reach out to people. What do I have to show for six years here? Knowing that I haven't really tried, simply because it didn't go over so well the first time I did. I love Justin, Trevor and Aila with reckless abandon. I am lavish and unreserved in it. And while I genuinely care deeply for the people here, I can guarantee that if you don't live in this house or out in California, I have only been so willing to let you in. I'll happily love you, but won't go so far as to let you get close enough to hurt me. And it's terrible, tragic, and a waste.

So as I drove and cried and prayed, fully realizing the need for a change, for a tearing down of that wall I've so carefully constructed, I noticed that my odometer was at 41,999. The end of something. I pulled over and took a picture. Then when it hit 42,000, the beginning of something new, I took another picture. Kind of a visual to represent the end of this guarded season of my life and the beginning of sticking my neck out there. The start of taking risks. The commencement of a life that's more vulnerable, more susceptible, more real, more capable of giving and receiving love in this great state of Georgia.
Looks like we'll be here for awhile, so I want to be all here.

I don't know who reads this. But if you're someone with whom I've been guarded, I hope you can forgive me and be patient with me as I try to do things differently in His strength.

Guess I'm starting over at 42,000.

Stolen

Stolen from both our cars Friday night:

Some cash
GPS charger
Debit card

Left:

The actual GPS (good one, guys--but I'm thankful for your blunder here)
My driver's license (phew--saved me the trip to the DMV)
Checks (Maybe they weren't Red Sox fans)
The new teaching I've been developing (should I be hurt they left this behind?)
An atrocious mess of the contents of my purse strewn about the car

I'm sure you're thinking, "WHY was your purse in the car overnight?" Well, I had a lot to carry when we got home late Friday afternoon and I intended to go back out to the car and get my purse. And then I forgot. Truth be told, I've done this before and nothing bad ever happened. Also, I didn't lock the car, but I don't think that would've deterred the thieves because they picked the lock on Justin's car and got in.

It's just a different world we're living in. And I am realizing the mundane AND spiritual implications of GUARDING WHAT IS VALUABLE. This world has thieves--people who will take what's yours without batting an eyelash, and will leave you picking up the pieces. But there is also a thief who roams about the earth, looking to sneak in and rob us blind. Rob us of our influence, our ministry opportunities, our marriages, our families, our ability to see God for who He is.

By leaving my purse in the car AND leaving it unlocked, I was practically begging to be robbed, and that's exactly what happened. But in what ways do we leave ourselves WIDE OPEN to be robbed of what is precious by the enemy of this world--the one who sets it all up, executes it, and then walks away to leave us with a terrible mess?

Hmmm. It's just gotten me thinking.

PRAISE GOD for the truth of John 10:10. I mean it--PRAISE GOD!

"The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy,
but I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

Open-Handed

"God honors an open-handed approach to ministry. If our main goal is to grow ourselves, this will be hard. But if our main desire is to grow God's kingdom, we will be fine with seeing some opportunities as meant for others. I don't want assignments that might be better suited for others."

Lysa TerKeurst (Excerpt from The Reason We Speak by Mary Beth Whalen)

Push Me Forward

This morning I was breaking down Nehemiah 1:11, and I loved the beautiful words of truth that were uncovered:

"O Lord, let your ear be attentive to the prayer of your servants who DELIGHT in REVERING Your name. Give your servant SUCCESS today by granting him FAVOR in the presence of this man" (NIV).

Other words for DELIGHT in other translations: Delight, desire, want to
Other words for REVERING in other translations: To worship, to fear
Other words for SUCCESS in other translations: Give help to, prosper your servant
Other words for FAVOR in other translations: Mercies, compassions

I wanted to know what some of these words meant in the Hebrew, so I checked them out using the Strongs numbers:

DELIGHT (chapets): delights in, desires, takes pleasure in, willing
FEAR/REVERE the NAME (yare' shem): fear and reverence His fame and renown
SUCCESS/PROSPER (tsalach): TO PUSH FORWARD.
FAVOR/MERCY (racham): Compassions, tender love, great mercy


So Lord, I pray for "success" today AS YOU DEFINE IT--that You may push Your servant forward in bringing reverence to your fame and renown. Please let your favor--your compassions, your tender love, and your great mercy surround me.

A Covering Over Our Home

Long story short, our little mini-flood required a bathroom re-paint. So as I went along, I painted Scripture references on the wall. I really love having the Word of God around our home. I'm not superstitious, but when we were house-hunting, any sort of idol in a home was a deal-breaker. And on the contrary, I felt such a peace in this one home--this itty bitty, otherwise unimpressive home--but then I saw that the Word of God was tucked away all around the house. That didn't end up being THE home for us, but the one that was, I want to fill with truth.

I want His Word in our home, around our home, being read and spoken and LIVED in our home.

In The Morning When I Rise

I am really loving my mornings these days. I sneak downstairs and read Isaiah by candlelight, and it's been awesome. And while Isaiah has, at times, been one bear of a read (it's a lot of judgment in the first 40 chapters and then redemption after that, but I'm only on chapter 32 now), it is one of the most densely-packed-with-truth-to-chew-on books of the Bible I have ever read!

I'll be honest--I haven't always been so eager to spring out of bed, even to encounter truth. Most days it's something I really look forward to, now that it's a habit. It was downright difficult at first. And even now it's still occasionally a stretch for me to pull myself out of bed. But it has been SO GOOD. Makes me wonder what I've missed all those days I slept through my quiet time. Now I feel like I don't want to go through a day without covering my mind and heart in His Word, but I have gone through many, many a day that way. Uncovered.

Lord, thank You for hemming me in each morning with Your Word. I really, seriously, absolutely desperately need it.

The Teaching

Yesterday's teaching at Cobb Vineyard Church...it went well! No anxiety, just peace. Totally His faithfulness. One thing I've felt strongly is that there is no point in speaking truth if it will soon be forgotten--so I was SO thankful that the comment I heard more than anything was that they would remember what they'd heard. Praise God! Life change comes about when truth sticks. I love it!

Thanks for the prayers!