The Soil

Every time Justin is out of town, I pick a project to do to surprise him when he comes home. In the past I have redecorated the kitchen, painted rooms, all kinds of things.

This time I chose the front yard.

I thought I would weed, plant, and put down a bit of fresh mulch. But once I started, I got REALLY ambitious--trying to remove bushes with well-established root systems (took me at least 4 days just to do that) and other things.

Once I got that cotton-pickin' bush out of the ground (just after 10pm one night, mind you) I started to put in a few plants and flowers, but OH. MY. GOODNESS. I was dealing with some terribly hard soil!!!

The next 5 days I spent preparing the soil. And now finally, FINALLY it's ready. Time to plant.

My hands are blistered and I'm exhausted. But I'm also excited. Because I know something beautiful is coming!

I've read Luke 8 a million times, but it never made its mark on me like it has these past two weeks--the parable of the different types of soil. Specifically, the hard soil. You can't plant a thing in that stuff. I know. I have spent many an hour recently trying. It took a LOT of work to dig it up, break it up, tear it up, until it was softened and prepared to receive anything.

Makes me wonder how the Lord has blistered His hands preparing me to receive truth He has planted in me. I know what I had to do to make that soil soft--it took a beating, for sure! Digging, prying, the whole nine yards.

It talks a lot in scripture about people hardening their hearts toward Him. I feel like am gaining a deeper understanding of what that means, and what it takes to break up that hardness. I want to have a tender heart toward Him--I don't want to endure the process it takes to undo a hardened heart!! Makes me want very much to be the good soil, that I might receive truth that can really take root in my heart, so that things of beauty might bloom there. :)

Enough Said

I'm onboard. I want to be a part of what You're doing!

Does anything else matter?

Prepare and Practice and Pray...Oh, My!

This has been a time of preparation for the conference, and it's been awesome.

I just can't wait. I will be there in exactly 6 weeks! That sounds like a long time, but I'm sure the time will fly. We'll be in the car headed to North Carolina before we know it!

This blurb was on the Proverbs31.org website:

Our annual She Speaks conference is officially full! Please join us in prayer for the 575 women who will be attending this life-changing conference. Pray for travel safety; pray for their families in their absense; and pray that God defines His call on their lives. Pray for our team as they prepare for this conference. And pray for the hotel and the hotel staff - pray that those who don't know Jesus will meet Him through 575 women who are completely and overwhelmingly sold out for Him!

All I can say is, Amen! I am THRILLED to be one of those 575 women. Although, holy cow, I had no idea there would be so many!!!

Things Are Moving Along...

Next month is the conference--I can hardly believe it! I think I've settled on my 3-minute testimony topic, as well as my 5-minute Biblical teaching topic. I worked as an AP proctor last month and had some time to write, and I can't even tell you how the Lord revealed things to me. I'm talking rapid fire! My 3-minute testimony focuses on the time in my life when the Lord kept speaking to my heart that He wanted me, even though I flat-out told Him I'd be happy to let Him have my life after pursuing other things. The 5-minute teaching is all about oil and flour, fish and loaves. God's providence. The way He meets our needs according to His resources and riches.

And then there's the podcast team. Just thinking about all of it brings a smile to my face! We hope to record the podcasts soon, and have them up and running. Those podcasts too were revealed to me and then written while proctoring. Rapid fire--I'm telling you!!! The two other women on the podcast team are amazing, and I feel like I'm learning a lot from them.

I added an advanced marketing seminar portion to my conference registration (which added on an additional $235 to the bill). I think it will really be an outstanding seminar, and will really give me some direction in going forward.

All for now! Please keep praying with me as this all comes together. God is good!

Another Step

This past week I had a meeting with two women who will be a part of the podcast team for the Women's League. It was awesome to hear their hearts, and to learn a bit more about the focus of this ministry. I am so excited!! I've put together a 2-minute teaching for our next meeting entitled "No Flame for the Candles."

Keep you posted!

The Uncomplicated Life

This week I have felt such a strong conviction in my spirit...a call to simplicity. Have you ever been going along and after awhile you feel the words TOO MUCH pressing on your heart? I really felt that this week! And I'd consider my life to be fairly uncluttered (I said my life, not my house). I cherish (and I must say this word doesn't quite envelope all the emotion I wish it did) our simple days around here. I am totally okay with us having nowhere to go once in a while. This week included subbing, working with 3 tutoring clients, going to Bible study, making and delivering meals, Trevor's soccer practice and pictures, and running back and forth to the pediatrician a few times. Normally that wouldn't kill me (and I know a lot of women with 10 times this schedule) but this week I felt the TOO MUCH on my heart.

My most complicated time of the week--the 24 hour stretch from Wednesday at dinner time until Thursday at dinner time--is just full, for a lack of a better word. And we're doing good stuff! We head out to our married couples' small group (which we love) and hand the kids off to a sitter. We race home and I make the meals until really, really late at night, which means Justin falls asleep without me. Then Thursday morning I run off to Bible study, and the kids go to their childcare rooms at the church. Then we race home, I load up the meals, and then we're off to deliver the meals, drop the kids off with someone, and then I'm off to tutor for a few hours. Every Thursday evening when the mad dash is over, I let out a huge sigh and hug my family extra tight.

On Wednesday I really, really felt like we should skip our small group--and I never like to miss small group! It was this nagging feeling even as I loaded the kids up in the car. We were a few miles down the road when I saw Aila in the rear view mirror--she looked tired, had been battling an ear infection, and even looked sad just sitting back there. She was just staring out the window blankly--not her usual silly, happy self. Once again, TOO MUCH pressed hard on my heart. Before you knew it, we were headed back home. And the second I turned that car around, peace covered me.

When we got home, we spread out a huge blanket in the living room and had a "carpet picnic" for dinner. We had asparagus and chicken piccata, and I even let Trevor have a glass of lemonade with dinner. Sure, he spilled some of it. But the whole thing was beautiful. Beautiful!!! A dinner I won't forget. We just sat there, plunked down together in a precious moment of simplicity.

I do not at all mean to bemoan the things that I am privileged to do to contribute while getting to be at home. I am so very grateful for the opportunities God has given! It's just that my heart longs for simplicity, and I want to protect our family time together, especially as Trevor and Aila get older and will become more involved with activities. After all, I really believe that, several years down the road, it's the simple things we'll all remember. And perhaps in the midst of the quiet moments is when seeds are sown the most. I just want to be mindful of the tremendous value of an uncomplicated life, and the gift of simplicity.

Conference-Bound!

I am so excited--I've gotten all $550 for the conference! It took less than 2 weeks--I'm blown away!!! Any little extra bit that comes in will just go toward gas money for the trip at this point. North Carolina or Bust!

In a few days I'll have a meeting with some women about possibly doing some podcasts--still praying! So far it seems God has been bringing so many things together.

I am also so grateful for the way He is bringing to my mind so many things that are potential speaking topics. It just seems I'm constantly grabbing a pencil and paper to jot things down these days, and I believe these little stories or experiences are piecing together to be words spoken in His name.

We're coming to the last weeks of Believing God. I wasn't sure how I ended up choosing this study, because I didn't necessarily feel a super strong leading to do this one in particular--I just kind of ended up there. But I know this was right where I was meant to be. I've seen over the past few weeks so many powerful connections between faith and words.

Psalm 81:10: "I am the Lord who brought you to your promised land. Open your mouth and I will fill it!"

Phew!!!

Justin (my computer-savvy knight in shining armor) came home and, after some searching, found every single file. A spyware program was doing some "clean-up" and had moved all of our files to a completely different place on our computer...

...but they are there!!!!

You can bet your tush I am spending the rest of the evening backing everything onto a memory stick. :)

Lord, You have been my help and my peace today. I am so grateful that everything was there all along, even though it wasn't right there before my eyes. Thank you that You too are always present, even when we cannot see.

This Can't Be Good...

Today I went to pull up a photo and found only empty folders. Hmmm...a glitch, I thought. But then I tried to pull up a Word document, and found nothing. Nothing! EVERY SINGLE FILE IS GONE. The work of the last 8 years is gone! I breathed a sigh of relief that my 120-page work-in-progress was in my email inbox as an attachment, so I tried to pull it up to download it, and just then my AOL application froze up and I had to shut it down. When I pulled AOL back up, that email was gone. Irretrievably gone. Along with my 120 pages. I have an old hard copy from two years ago, but it's missing lots of updated info, and there is no way to know what was new or how to recreate it. Furthermore, anything I've worked on for speaking outlines these past few years is also gone.

I am in disbelief. I need some prayer!

Inching Closer...

I just got in another $50 toward the conference. I'm kind of in awe at how God is providing!

I had a great talk this week with someone who contacted me after I sent out my email about the conference and what I believe is a calling to speak. She feels a very similar calling on her life, and it was really amazing to talk through it all with someone who knows. It's been fun to see how God has woven our lives together over the past 25 years--starting back when I was just 7 years old!

I was telling her how part of God moving in all of this was through the book of Joshua when God was preparing to give his people the city of Jericho as their promised land. The people were instructed to remain silent while they walked around Jericho for six days (in addition to the 40 years of desert-wandering. At that point, what was seven more days, right?). Joshua said, "Do not raise your voices, do not say a word until the day I tell you to shout. Then shout!" This was the time of preparation. But praise God, there was more in store than just silence. And on that seventh day it was time to speak up.

"Shout, for the Lord has given you this city!" Joshua commanded. Can you imagine their cries at that moment of fulfillment? After 40 years, they were home, and they claimed it with their voices. The walls fell down, and the people settled into the promised land God held in store for them all along!

I have had the tiniest taste of a season of silence and preparation in this calling, and I'm thankful to see that the "more-to-this-story" seems to be unfolding right before my eyes these days. I am excited in feeling like the time has come for silence to give way to words. :)

More Than Halfway There!

In the past 3 days I've gotten $350 in pledges toward the "She Speaks" conference. I am beyond excited, and extraordinarily grateful!! The past 10 days have been "whirlwind-ish," for lack of a better word--so full of the Lord confirming things right and left. I am humbled that He has allowed me to see His glory time and again.



All for now. I'll keep you posted!



P.S. Two of the three songs we sang in church today talked about shining your light. :)

One More For Good Measure

Can you believe God brought up Matthew 5:14-16 again?!?

Yesterday I went to my Bible study (Believing God by Beth Moore), and the coolest thing happened. Last week we'd gotten a bit chatty and ran short on time, so we had to leave the last few minutes of our DVD for this week.

Totally in keeping with this week's Matthew 5:14-16 theme, Beth closed out what was meant to be last week's video message with an illustration. She pulled out an oil lamp and I thought to myself, "No way. No way is she really going to speak from the Matthew 5 passage!" although I knew in my heart God was saying, "Yes way!"

"A city on a hill cannot be hidden!" Beth said emphatically. And there it was!!! She went on to speak of how the tongue can do mighty things when set ablaze by the Holy Spirit who lives within us.

Here's the thing...the day before Bible study, I thought to myself, "Wouldn't it be amazing if that passage came up in Bible study this week?" It wasn't likely to happen--the study is on Believing God, and we've never spent much time in Matthew thus far. I knew in my heart that if that passage were to pop up during Bible study, it would totally have to be a God thing. And I believe it was!

Can I just say it? Praise God!!!! Had we not gone over our time last week, we never would have watched the end of the video yesterday, which was truly when I needed to see it. Lord, You are perfect and awesome and good!

Still Room!

I got an email on March 18th with the news that the She Speaks Conference still has some spots available!



So what now? Well, I'm continuing to pray about whether this is the year for me to go. And I have been praying a lot about it this past week. And while I don't want to try to connect dots that aren't meant to be connected, this passage has come up several times in the past few days...

You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden; Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in Heaven."

Matthew 5:14-16

1. A "Let Your Light So Shine" expression in an Uppercase Living catalog. I saw this and thought it would be cool to choose as one of my free expressions to have in our home. (March 22nd)

2. Singing along the lyrics "Shine your light and let the whole world see, we're living for the glory of the risen King" on the radio and in church. This song ("Mighty to Save") keeps coming on these past few days...once even right after I'd been praying for some guidance regarding the conference. (March 24th)

3. K-Love's website Scripture passage today: "Don't hide your light under a basket! Instead, put it on a stand and let it shine for all." Matthew 5:15, NLT. (March 25th)

So anyway, as I said, I don't want to jump to conclusions or read too much into this. My prayer this morning was "Lord, I feel like you might be leading through these words from Scripture--that perhaps You want me to pursue this opportunity to "let my light shine" for You. And I know You aren't a genie or a show pony that I can make do tricks, but I am simply asking that You will confirm this one more time, if it's what I'm supposed to do. I just really want to be clear. If this is not the year, I trust You, so either way, I give it to You But please help me to discern what You want me to do."

Wait a second--OH MY GOODNESS!!!! I just remembered something, just right this minute, as I've been typing up this blog entry...

4. I was cleaning the kitchen this morning and had the song "Shine" by the Newsboys running through my head. It has been literally years since I have even thought about this song, which is from the early 90's. "Shine--Make them wonder what you got--make them wish that they were not on the outside looking bored. Shine--let it shine before all men--let them see good works and then let them glorify the Lord. Shine!" (March 25th)

Okay, Lord. I believe You have been answering my prayer for confirmation. Thank You, Mighty God. You are so awesome. So, by Your grace, I'm in! You know the mountains in the way. Move 'em. I want to shine for You!

The Beginning

I Corinthians 2:4-5

"My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power."

Have you ever felt called to something? I mean really, really called to something?

Ten years ago I worked at Mount Hermon Christian Conference Center. After an extraordinarily trying week in my personal life, I was asked to speak at the End of Summer Banquet. "You've got the wrong girl," I thought emphatically, but gave a verbal agreement to do so anyway. A few weeks later I stood before several hundred friends and told of the things God had been so gracious to show me that summer.

And the rest, as they say, is history.

I absolutely believe that Justin is my number one earthly priority. Trevor and Aila come into play next. My marriage and the raising of my children to know and love God--THESE are my greatest earthly ministries. And if that's all there ever was, I would be completely content spending my life building into and investing those three beautiful people living under this roof with me. I am completely and totally passionate about getting it right when it comes to my family.

But I just can't deny there's this other calling, too. The ten years since Mount Hermon have been filled with confirmation after confirmation that the Lord is leading me to share what He's revealed to me about who He is. Have I had more opportunities than I can count and people beating my door down?

No.

I've had a few chances to share, and I've cherished them with all my heart. It is a sweet thing to really feel you're doing something God has called you to do. But I feel I've been in a season of preparation. I've spent the last few year writing, developing outlines, recording what God has laid on my heart, and praying.

Oh, how I've been praying.

God has been working all along, I believe. But recently it seems He has been working to connect me with opportunities that could really get this ministry going, and I am SO excited! Right now I am praying about possibly attending a speaking conference this summer in North Carolina. I'm actually waiting for an email to learn whether or not the conference is full...and so I continue praying.

It's wonderful to have you on this faith journey with me!!!