"Um, that would be a NO," I replied definitively. "When I get to the hospital I will be telling them, 'I will be needing an epidural, please. Oh, and by the way, my name is Thea Nelson.'"
I knew going in that I was going to need some serious medicinal help. You see, I have the single-lowest pain tolerance on God's green earth. Like, take-a-Tylenol-to-ease-the-pain-of-a-paper-cut kind of thing. I literally had a conversation with Justin when I was nearing the birth of our first child about how I was worried that the epidural wouldn't work, the pain would be too severe, and I would give up the will to live. Really. Simply put, I had no delusions that I could get through the process apart from some help.
Now that the picture of my wussiness is properly painted....
I am going into these last weeks leading up to GodBreathed in a similar way. No, not fearing I'll give up the will to live or anything. But just knowing what I will most certainly need to get through this.
I'm going to need God. Really. I'm fully surrendered to the notion that I am going to need Him to show up. I'm going to need His strength. I'm going to need Him to make a way for people to be there. I am desperate for His mercies, His favor, His hand to be undeniable in every little part of this.
I HAVE NO DELUSIONS THAT I CAN GET THROUGH THIS WITHOUT HIM. And I knew that going into this. I responded in obedience to what I believe He initiated, but that doesn't mean for one second that I can do anything apart from Him.
And I'm not even going to try. Not even going to attempt a cotton-picking thing in my own strength. I know there is just no way apart from Him making a way.
Even when Daniel was summoned to interpret King Nebuchadnezzar's dream, he gave no pretense that he could do it on his own. The king asked, "Are you able to tell me what I saw in my dream and interpret it?" Daniel responded that not even the top magicians or diviners could do such a thing, "but there is a God in heaven who reveals mysteries, and HE has shown what will happen" (Daniel 2:26-27). He made a way then. He'll make a way now.
What are you facing that is requiring more than what you KNOW you have to give?
What will it look like to fully resign yourself to the fact that you will need Him to come through for you if it's ever going to be what He intends?
If the LORD had not been on our side,
we would be swallowed alive,
engulfed, swept away, ensnared.