November 22nd. I awoke with this terrible cloak of discouragement over me. Justin took Trevor downstairs for breakfast and I stayed in bed and just prayed. Normally I'm up early and downstairs, but that morning I stayed put and poured out my heart to God.
"I am so discouraged, Lord. I really believed you have called me to speak truth. But year after year after year has passed...where are the opportunities? It feels like I'm stuck in a wasteland!"
I really said these words. Especially wasteland.
I'd just hit a wall. I asked, outloud, why the Lord would SO burden my heart to proclaim truth, and yet not provide an avenue in which to do so. I had spent 2 hours the day before preparing for...well, I didn't know what. Just preparing, researching, putting in time to develop teachings that would be for, well, once again, I didn't know what. I think that's why the next morning I found myself asking, "What's this all about?" And I've been here before...a few posts back I wrote about preparing in the desert.
I opened up to Isaiah 43, which was really just where I was that morning as I've been reading through Isaiah. And I was struck by verses 19-21:
"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; Don't you perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert and streams in the WASTELAND.
The wild animals honor me--jackals and owls,
because I provide water in the desert and streams in the WASTELAND,
to give drink to my people, my chosen, the people I formed for myself
THAT THEY MAY PROCLAIM MY PRAISE."
After reading those words, I felt like I had new strength to keep going. Even in a pre-answers, pre-opportunities time, I felt ready to keep preparing once again for...whatever.
Well...ONE HOUR LATER, I was asked to speak at Cobb Vineyard Church's Women's League Kickoff event on January 22, 2010.
I am beyond grateful, beyond excited. My God WAS doing a new thing--springing up in the midst of my discouragement. Did I perceive it? No! But He was making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. I wish I had words to adequately convey my joy, my thanks. I love that He wants me to simply be in on what He is up to.
One month, twelve days to go until the kickoff. It's going to fly by. Good thing He kept prompting me to prepare--He knew what was coming!
The teaching is entitled "If I Do Not Lift My Hands to the Throne..." I'll close with the lyrics from the song that will accompany the teaching. I think the words are so very fitting:
I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned
in awe of the One who gave it all
I'll stand--my soul Lord to You surrendered
All I have is yours
Truly in awe of the One who gave it all.