Tuesday, April 27, 2010

If Only

It was Outdoor Fun Day at my son's school today. But he wasn't there for it.

After a few days with (not good) notes home from his teacher, we let him know that if he didn't come home with a good report on Monday, he would be missing Outdoor Fun Day.

He didn't come home with a good report.

So today I planned to take him to school for the first half of the morning, then pick him up before the festivities began. I drove up to the school and saw everything set up for Outdoor Fun Day--big jumphouses and lots of other fun stuff. Stuff my son loves. I dropped him off and drove past everything that was set up, and before I knew it, tears were pouring out of my eyes. "That could've been for him to enjoy," I thought. "If only he had just listened and chosen differently." Frankly, it broke my heart to look at what I know he really would've enjoyed, and knowing that his choices disqualified him from getting to enjoy any of it.

As I drove home, Isaiah 48 came to my mind:

I am the Lord your God,
who teaches you what is best for you,
who directs you in the way you should go.
you had paid attention to my commands,
your peace would have been like a river,
your righteousness like the waves of the sea.

I know God is merciful and all about redemption. But I am sure there have been times in my life when my lack of paying attention to His commands has meant opting out of peace. Can you imagine how He must feel when He sees in full view all that He wanted for us--peace and blessings--but knowing that we opted out?

If only.

1 comment:

  1. i'm sorry. you are a good mommy for being faithful to the outcome. i'm sure everything in you, but that obedience, wanted to give in.
    i've been there with "if only" for my own children. with "if only for me... i'm beginning to wonder if i'm there now?