That was today. And it made for a rough day.
I felt like I was camping out under a cloud of discouragement, but no typical cloud. A really dark cloud that seemed to say "You contribute nothing." In multiple, equally-unpleasant ways. And see, that's a tough one for me, because I'm desperate for my life to be an offering. I want to know that I bring something to the table....and that my piece of the puzzle matters. Only today, I wasn't so sure.
I was out on an errand tonight and was praying as I drove. At the end of pouring out all my failures before the One who made me, I felt compelled to turn on the radio--and did so just in time to hear these words:
Be strong in the Lord
And never give up on hope
You're gonna do great things,
I already know
God's got His hand on You
So don't live in fear
Forgive and forget
But don't forget why you're here.
Tears. Grateful tears. It was as though the Lord was pressing these words into my hurting heart and binding up my brokenness with a song--one I'd never heard before. Can you imagine? You're gonna do great things. God's got His hand on you. Oh, that I would do great things as a wife and mom and friend. And to rest in the knowledge that His hand is upon me as I seek Him...Beautiful. What if it's true--that He intends to use this highly imperfect, sometimes insecure, often-too-hard-on-myself kind of girl?
What a wonderful God. Really.
* "The Words That I Would Say" by Sidewalk Prophets