THE MIGHTY PRAYERS OF TINY CHILDREN

Last night I had the worst headache of my life.

It started when we were at my son's soccer awards ceremony, and by the time we were driving home, it had begun to hurt in an overwhelming way. I even asked my husband to pull over at a friend's house for some medicine, because I needed some relief, and I couldn't imagine waiting the 10 extra minutes to our house. I was writhing in pain in the last minutes of our car ride home.

I went straight upstairs, shut off all lights and got into bed, nauseated and nearly undone by the alarming pain I was experiencing. My kids came into the room and put their tiny hands on my aching head and then they each prayed for me. And as soon as my second child said "Amen," I felt the pain stop.

I mean, CEASE.

It wasn't at all like the gradual relief that comes with popping a couple of Tylenol; The overwhelming pain came to a sudden, screeching halt. It made me think of Jesus speaking to those strong, unruly waves and wind and saying "BE STILL!"--and the storm coming to an abrupt end at the sound of His voice.

My kids kissed me, called "Night, Mommy!" over their shoulders, and ran down the hall while I lay there in shock. I started praying to thank God for His healing, and for hearing their requests for my healing.

A few minutes later, they ran back in to check on me and give me more kisses. I told them that God had heard their prayers, and answered them with healing. My tiny daughter's eyes widened and she said, "We made Mommy all better!" I stopped her and said, "No--the LORD healed Mommy. But you two asked Him to."

I cupped their faces in my hands and said to each of them, "There is power in your prayers. Don't forget to pray all throughout your life." One probably won't remember it, but I'll keep saying it to her until she does. The other probably will remember it, and I pray this truth will shape his life. I pray their lives will be marked by prayer!

But I pray that when He answers their prayers in the way they hope, they will acknowledge Him as the One who did it all. They'll know they asked Him to, and that the God who made the sun, moon, and stars also heard their requests--but they'll know with even greater conviction that He is the One who brought about every answer.

THE MILLION-DOLLAR BOX

The other day I was offered to purchase a box.

For $50,000.

But it's no ordinary box. Inside that box is a check made out to me for one million dollars--cashable only if I purchase that box. No gimmicks, no scam--it is 100% sure that I will be a millionaire if I can find a way to make that box mine.

As I've been looking over our finances, I've discovered that we can probably come up with that $50,000. But it will take selling our home and taking the small amount of equity we have built up in our home, plus we'd have to sell our one paid-for car and get rid of the other, plus our furniture and clothing and toys. We would literally have to sell every last thing--and at that point we will probably have enough to buy that box.

And so I'm debating. I know that we stand to gain one million dollars if I buy that box. It's a sure thing. I just find myself torn over whether or not I'm ready to go through the process of giving up every last thing we have in order to get it. I think of the cost to my family, the loss of the way we've known our life to be. I keep wondering if it will be worth it.


You may be reading this, thinking, "DO IT! Of course it's worth it!! Yes, you'd have to get rid of all your stuff but think of what you'll gain in the trade! You'd be a fool NOT to do it!"

Exactly.

"The Kingdom of Heaven is like a treasure that a man discovered hidden in a field. He hid it again and--with joy--ran to sell everything he had to get enough money to buy that field."

Matthew 13:44

I read this passage with new eyes recently. There is nothing, nothing, nothing we could lay down that is worth more than what we will take back up in the exchange. I don't know what the man in this parable had to lay down, but he took one look at that treasure and knew without question that selling all he had would be a small thing in light of the gain that awaited him. And so--with joy--he made the trade.

We know this is something so much more than $50,000 for a million-dollar box. It's the laying down of our lives--and yes, sometimes even our stuff--in the pursuit of the Kingdom of Heaven. But just as my proposed transaction seemed to be an opportunity I should not dare pass up...

How much more the treasures of the Kingdom of Heaven?

TO MAKE IT MORE PALATABLE

I have to laugh sometimes when I read reviews of recipes...

REVIEW FOR BASIL PARMESAN RISOTTO:

"Well, I give this 4 stars. I'm not really a big fan of basil, so I used some fresh strawberries I had on hand instead. And instead of parmesan, I used some chocolate. I didn't have any Arborio rice, so this actually turned out a little more 'Chocolate-Covered Strawberries'-ish rather than 'Basil Parmesan Risotto'-ish. With these modifications, it was the perfect recipe!"

Okay, so they're not quite this bad. But it cracks me up how people modify the heck out of a recipe, and then decide how they feel about it.

I feel like that happens a lot with the Word of God. Seems sometimes a lot of picking and choosing and modifying and even omitting occurs when people decide just how palatable His Word is.

"I love the "I-don't-condemn-you" side of Jesus, but I could do without the "Go-sin-no-more" side. And God didn't really say what He said about that, did He? Wellll, let's just leave that out--we don't want to leave a bad taste in anyone's mouth!"

Add and change and modify and omit. And after enough modifications, we find God and His Word to be palatable--something we're able to swallow.

But what if we were to taste and see that the LORD is good, and that His Word is pleasing--even as sweet as honey?

And what if we were to realize it's this way...without even the slightest modification?

BITTER BERRIES

My little A. G. just can't resist picking the strawberries out of our garden.

Only problem is, they aren't ready. Not even close! She picks them when they're pale and bitter rather than waiting until they're deep red, juicy and sweet.

And every time she plucks another berry off the vine, it means that what could have been scrumptious and sweet never will be. It was never allowed to become what it was made to be.

I keep wondering if there are meant-to-be-sweet things I keep trying to pluck from the vine before they're ready--things that God will have in store for me, when they're ready--and not until then.

But I'm like a child who just doesn't understand. I see the beginnings of something, and I don't want to have to wait for it to come to fruition. I want to enjoy it now.

But that's just it--I won't enjoy it now!--Not in the state it's in. There's a big difference between the taste of a tiny white unripe strawberry, and a deep red, ripe and ready strawberry. And by trying to devour it before it's ready, I'm left with a mouth full of bitterness. Sometimes I just wish I could really take hold of this in my mind. Even if I could have it before it was ready, I really wouldn't want it.

I wouldn't want that job that isn't ready for me.
I wouldn't want that future mate until he or she is ready for me.
I wouldn't want that opportunity that God hasn't fully brought to completion.
I wouldn't want that thing for which my heart aches until it's time, as God has determined.

Sometimes we're just glad to have something--something rather than nothing. But it is far, far better to have nothing than a not-yet-ready something. I mean, really-which would you rather have--an empty mouth, or a mouthful of bitter berries?

LORD, strengthen me to wait for You to bring Your plans to fruition. I can wait peacefully and confidently, knowing that when You've brought it all the way to its ripest and readiest state, it is sure to be something sweet. Thank You that You are worthy of my trust, and the ready-er of all good things.

He makes all things beautiful in its time.
Ecclesiastes 3:11

RUNNING ON PURPOSE

When my young son's soccer practices started a few weeks ago, we noticed that he looked like he was super happy and having an absolute blast. But--and how do I put this gently--he also ran around the field as though he was only semi-aware there was even a ball to chase or a game to play! He almost bounded around the field more than he ran, grinning ear to ear with this "I'm-super-happy-to-be-here!" kind of smile, but that was about it!

Then later the same week when we were on vacation, I saw this very same child tear off after a bunch of seagulls at the beach, and that child MOVED. I mean, he was focused on catching one of those birds, and he was fast as lightning. He ran like that because he was in pursuit of something.

After seeing this, I mentioned to him that he could chase the soccer ball like he was chasing those pigeons. I said it's great and important to have a lot of fun while playing, but there's a game to play, too. He's part of a team, and they need him to be in on what the team is up to.

So today was his first game, and the boy shot all over the field with great focus and intentionality and moved that ball down the field. No more bounding--he was running with purpose!

I'm so struck by the unfortunate fact that it is so, so common for people to just be bounding through life. They're running around without a great deal of purpose or focus, and maybe they're even having fun doing it. And hey, I'm all about having fun. But we're up to something so much more! 1 Corinthians 9 says that we are to run this race so as to win the prize--because that prize is a crown that will last forever, as opposed to the crown of temporary satisfaction.

There are parts of my life in which I'm "bounding around." Perhaps even with one of those "Happy-to-be-here!" smiles on my face, but fully lacking in focus and intent. And then there are other parts of my life in which I am in pursuit of something worth something, and it shows. But the fact is, these days are precious. Numbered, even. There's no place for bounding around when I am part of the Kingdom of God and am called to do my part in pursuing victory.

"Everybody ends up somewhere in life. Some people end up there on purpose" (Andy Stanley). How in your life are you running with great intentionality? And how in your life are you simply bounding around the field? I have been considering this very thing in my own life. I challenge you to prayerfully consider one area in which you're "bounding." And then ask the LORD to strengthen you to run on purpose.

I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:14

WHAT MORE COULD I HAVE DONE?

I may as well throw out the question to you since I've been asking it of myself a lot lately:

Are you bearing any sort of good fruit? I mean good-for-something, usable fruit? Or is He going to show up expecting a harvest and find a lot of unusable grapes?

Last night we shared our our life and faith journeys with our small groups. And as I wrote things down in preparation, I was reminded again of * A L L * God has done to make a way for me, preserve my life, protect me even when it annoyed the heck out of me, and remind me a million times that He fully intends to use me for His purposes.

So with that as the backdrop, He also brought to my mind a passage I'd read about a year ago as I read through the book of Isaiah:

God had a vineyard on a fertile hillside.
He dug it up and cleared it of stones
and planted it with the choicest of vines.
He built a watchtower in it
and cut out a winepress as well.
THEN HE LOOKED FOR A CROP OF GOOD GRAPES
BUT IT YIELDED ONLY BAD FRUIT.
He asked,
"WHAT MORE COULD HAVE BEEN DONE FOR MY VINEYARD THAN I HAVE DONE FOR IT?"

As I read this, I'm mindful of the way God has prepared my life to be fruitful. I can think of times when things were dug up and stones were cleared away. I can think of things He has planted and established in my life. I'm sure you can think of these same things in your own life.

And consider the watchtower and winepress in this passage. That watchtower speaks of expectancy, watching, waiting on His part. And that winepress suggests He fully expected a harvest good enough and usable enough to produce wine. And after the preparations He has made for us, He fully expects a harvest of good fruit in our lives, too.

Because really--what more could He have done for you and for me than He has already done for us?

And why then does He return to find an unusable harvest? In this passage, very little of what He found in the vineyard was usable. His ten-acre vineyard produced only 6 small jugs of wine. And the rest? Unusable. What a waste.

Your life is a vineyard. My life is a vineyard. Does your marriage bear fruit? How about your efforts as a parent? Would your co-workers say you bear fruit? How about the friends who know you best? I'm taking an honest assessment of these things, too--and honestly, there are parts of my life that aren't yielding good fruit. But I want so very much for my life to bear fruit--fruit that can be of use in His Kingdom. I don't want Him to look over the span of my life--a life that He did everything to ensure would be a fruitful one--and find very little to use.

Think over your life--the ways God has ensured that your life should bear fruit. I'm sure the list in long.

So then...does it?

WHEN THE MEALS AND CARDS STOP COMING

If you ended up at this blog today, please take a moment and pray for

Todd and Rosy and Teddy Fredeen.

This is the dear family who lost their sweet almost-six-year old Nina two months ago. Please pray that the LORD will fill them in a new way today, that He will hold them in their grief and flood them with love and comfort.

I don't know what it's like to hold and feed and play with and see a child, and then have to bury that child. I cannot imagine. But I do know the one thing I learned after a loss of my own:

There's no expiration date for grief.

Yes, the meals and phone calls and cards stop coming. But the loss remains.

God is sufficient for every need, but a child is no longer there for them to hold and feed and play with and see--and that kind of suffering must be extraordinary. And just because the world around them is still spinning and life has gone on doesn't mean that they aren't still in need of a good covering of prayer.

Today.

PLEASE REMEMBER ME

Have you ever needed someone's memory to be jogged a little?

A few years ago I was told I would have an opportunity that almost made me fall out of my chair. I was thrilled and elated and excited and thrilled some more!

Aaaaaand then the person forgot they'd said I could have the opportunity.

About a year went by, and the opportunity date began to creep nearer and nearer. I prayed and wondered if I should ask about it, or just keep quiet.

"Keep quiet," it seemed the Holy Spirit kept saying.

And so I did.

And then my phone rang. I was, once again, offered this opportunity. The person hadn't remembered that they'd already offered it, but the LORD had put my name on that person's heart and on another person's heart to be the one to do this. And I rejoiced that even if a memory had failed, God had put my name on the heart of the ones who could grant me the opportunity.

He remembered.

I think of Joseph and Mordecai in Scripture. Joseph was imprisoned for a crime he did not commit, and helped a fellow inmate interpret a dream.

"I'm going to remember you!" the man said.

Aaaaaaand 2 years (730 days) later, he finally did. Can you imagine? That is just a lot of sunrises and sunsets sitting in a jail cell, hoping someone remembers you. But once he was remembered, he was whisked away to work for Pharaoh, and the insight God gave him helped spare the lives of many--even his own family.

Then there was Mordecai, Esther's cousin. God used him to foil an assassination attempt against King Xerxes. And, rightfully so, the King intended to do something to acknowledge the man who had saved his life!

Aaaaand then he forgot. It wasn't until much later on a sleepless night when King Xerxes was having the daily logs read to him that he was reminded--he never did anything to honor Mordecai. Then came a parade of honor for Mordecai, a reversal of destiny, and the eventual position as the king's right hand man.

Sometimes it's hard when you feel like everything hinges on someone else's memory. But we do not trust in anything but the name of the LORD our God. Not even in someone else's ability to recall. At times it seems that our fate lies on this very thing, but neither your life nor my life hangs on memory. Our lives are safe in the hands of the One who said,

"Can a mother forget the baby nursing at her breast

and have no compassion on the child she has borne?

Though she may forget,

I will not forget you!

See, I have engraved you on the palms of My hands;

Your walls are ever before me."

Isaiah 49:15-16

LORD, we are just so grateful that YOU remember. And for anyone who needs a measure of remembrance, please grant it. Please jog the memories of those who need to remember something---someone. Thank You for Your love and faithfulness.

HOARDING

There's a fine line between couponing/stockpiling and hoarding. I think I've crossed that line. The difference is subtle...one is based in wisdom, and the other in fear. A few weeks ago our pastor shared about how when there's a sale on diet soda, you can hardly pull into his parents' garage because of the stockpile. I laughed and turned to my friend Angie next to me and said, "I do that!" -- but it was like the Holy Spirit stopped me dead in my tracks right then with a one-word question: Why? I sat there thinking, really thinking about why I stock up like I do. Yes, I think it's wise to purchase things when they're on sale--even Biblical! It is a contribution to my family to take the time to research and plan--then purchase. I have saved us many, many a dollar by doing this. And I wish there was no other motivation in doing so, but there is. I am afraid. I stockpile (hoard) because I'm afraid. I worry about something unforeseen happening that could cost one or both of our incomes. This downward turn in the economy over the last few years has left me wide-eyed. I know it's happened to others who never saw it coming--what if we didn't have enough to buy groceries? And so I buy when it's cheap--nothing wrong with that. Unless you're doing it because maybe you don't 100% trust God to provide if the unexpected happens. And that's where I live. My refrigerator is full. My pantry is full. My freezer is full. It's not like we live with mountains of boxes of granola bars and pasta or anything, but I know what I'm doing. I'm hoarding. Fear-and-doubt-based hoarding. This past week I read "Crazy Love" and this passage jumped out at me: "Lukewarm people do not live by faith--their lives are structured so they never have to. They don't have to trust God if something unexpected happens--that's what savings accounts are for. They don't depend on God on a daily basis--their refrigerators are full and they have their health." Again, nothing wrong with saving or storing up or couponing and shopping wisely. There's actually all kinds of right about doing it this way. It becomes a problem when these things become substitutes for actually having to trust God. And so the next time I load up my shopping cart with spaghetti sauce for 88 cents or boxes of organic mac and cheese for 49 cents a box, I will take an honest look at what's driving it. Rather than being motivated by a million "What if..." scenarios, I want to remember that the LORD is the bread of life, the One who provided daily manna for His people, and the One who sees what is really going on in my heart. Father, I want to get down to my last box of cereal without panic. I want to pass up sale items that I already have at home, about to burst out of my pantry. More than anything I want to trust You. Strengthen me to trust You for all things! I don't want to be a hoarder--I want to have open hands. I want to walk by faith and trust the Giver of my daily bread.

PRISTINE

I love the ocean. I love that even though crowds of beach-goers spend their day digging into the sand, at the end of the day the tide rolls in and the waves make all the digs of the day disappear--and the beach looks perfect. Absolutely pristine. I think of all the sinning and the stupid-ing I've done in my life. Okay, forget "in my life" -- More like "today." Or "this month." Or "this year." I think of all my selfish ways and my failures. Each one has been like a dig in the sand that I can't completely smooth over. And I think of the digs of which I have been innocent--the hurts inflicted on my heart and soul. The empty places caused by others that have left a lasting mark. But I rejoice--because at the end of my life when I stand before my God, He will behold one who is pristine. Christ's death and resurrection made it so. He will look upon a girl made flawless through sacrificial love. Pristine. Hallelujah.

VERY COOL.

This past week I spent my quiet times watching the sun come up. Absolutely glorious. On this past Monday, April 4th I turned to Proverbs 4 to read, and as I thumbed through to the right page I thought to myself, "It would be so neat if there was a verse about sunrises today." And then there it was--verse 18.

Very cool. :)

The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn,

shining every brighter till the full light of day.

Proverbs 4:18

THREE HOURS TO MYSELF

What would you do with three hours all to yourself? (Cue the "Hallelujah Chorus!)

It hardly ever happens--but yesterday I had a block of time alone. I knew for weeks that I would have this alone time, and thought a lot about how to spend it. I wanted those three precious hours to be marked with purpose and intentionality.

Would I go home and clean?

Would I go somewhere and read?

Would I sit at a coffee shop and write?

Hmmm....all valid options. I was almost overwhelmed at all the possibilities--it really only mattered that I'd make the time count. I really hadn't decided what I would do even by the time this alone time rolled around. But once those three hours began, I set about to make every moment count.

I asked the LORD to order my steps. I asked Him to lead me every moment of those three hours.

I went to Barnes & Noble first, and prayed for one of those comfy chairs to become available. It never happened--probably because I wasn't going to be there long. I grabbed a coffee and a copy of "Crazy Love" and read the first two or three chapters while standing up. But then it was almost like an alarm went off in my head: Time to go.

Next, I headed to Target to pick up a few household items that needed restocking. Doing this during my "Me" Time meant I wouldn't have to drag my kiddos out with me later, earning me a little more "Chillin'-At-Home-With-Them" Time later. While I was there, I picked up a card for my husband and his favorite Frappuccino from the Starbucks in there. On to the next thing.

I pulled up at the soccer game my husband was coaching. I wrote on the card, and then put the card and coffee drink in his car to surprise him. After a few minutes of watching the game, there was that stirring again...Time to go.

I spent the rest of the time driving and praying and worshipping and singing my heart out to Him. It was the sweetest time, really. Just a time of declaring who God is, and being so in love with Him for it.

And then it was time to go pick up my babies. I scooped them up and gave them a million kisses, rejuvenated from a few hours of solitude.

So right now I should really be asleep (Hello, 1:09am), but I keep thinking about how intentional I was about those three hours. And when it came down to it, I spent that time completely mindful of and being about the business of the three things I SAY I love the most--my God, my husband, and my children. And so there was tremendous peace in how those three hours were spent--and I truly believe the Holy Spirit led me through those hours.

But what if I was so intentional about the other hours of my life? And what if I was so quick to say, "God, lead me in the path You have carved out for me. Direct me in the way I should go"? I do this--from time to time. What would it look like to be as desperate for His leading in my day to day life as I was for those three hours?

Andy Stanley said something one Sunday morning years ago that has stuck with me all this time: "What you do with your time really matters, because your time equals your life."

It's common for people to evaluate their finances, like what investments they're making and where their money is going. Why not take the same approach to time? How do we spend our days? It just makes me see the need to go over how I spend my time with a fine-tooth comb. Where am I spending? And--every bit as importantly--where am I wasting?

At the end of those three hours, I had answers for how I had spent that time. I want the same to be true at the end of my days and the end of my life. Because at the end of it all, every last one of my minutes will have been gone--spent in one way or another.

And I'll tell you right now, I want a darn good answer for how I spent them.

A HALF-FINISHED HAIRCUT AIN'T PRETTY

I was cutting my son's hair yesterday when he suddenly jumped up--mid-haircut--to see how it looked.

His jaw dropped when he saw his hair in the mirror.

"It's all a mess, Mommy!" he exclaimed.

And it was. One side was short, the center was patchy, and the other side was long and sticking up. But in my defense, I wasn't done working yet.

Hmmm...familiar. Because I am very much in a "mid-haircut" kind of time in my life. And while I should simply remain still and allow God to finish what He started, instead I find myself jumping up from that place of stillness to stare at my current state. And what I see leaves me thinking, "Oh no, that isn't even kinda cute!"

I've found myself saying "Look at this mess!" to the One who isn't done working yet.

I suppose I'm in good company here. Because somewhere between God calling Moses to lead His people out of slavery and the fulfillment of that promise, things got plenty ugly.

There was a lot that happened in between the "burning bush" moment of Exodus 2 and the parting of the Red Sea in Exodus 14. In the middle was Exodus 5--a very "mid-haircut moment" in which Moses looked in full view at the circumstances--and it wasn't pretty. He even cried out to God in anger and confusion, "Ever since I went to Pharaoh to speak in Your name, he has brought trouble on these people. And You have not rescued Your people at all." He'd gone to bat for the Israelites but his intervention appeared to make things worse. He incited Pharaoh's anger against God's people, forcing them to work twice as hard with less material. And it didn't improve--Pharaoh's heart remained hard through countless plagues. None of this looked promising. Just looked like one big ol' mess!

But deliverance was coming. And it was soon clear that what Moses saw as a disaster was nowhere near the end of the story.

That means everything to me today. It means that I can sit peacefully, knowing that He who began a good work will be faithful to finish it. It means I don't have to look at my halfway-through circumstances in fear, because what might look like a mess now will one day be seen as a God-ordained, beautiful finished product.

He is the Author...Perfecter...Finisher of our faith.

"He has made all things beautiful in its time--no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

Ecclesiastes 3:11

50 JOYS

1. The fact that His kindness leads to repentance.
2. My husband's jokes and dry humor. I know the punchlines already, but the sparkle in his eyes as he tells them still cracks me up.
3. When my son says "We know You're our provider" during mealtime prayers. I want his life to be full of acknowledging the LORD.
4. My daughter's voice (which sounds like someone sucked in a bunch of helium. There's something chipmunk-y and tremendously sweet about it).
5. Hot cocoa with whipped cream and crushed candy canes sprinkled on top.
6. Any mention of California. Love me some Cali.
7. Quiet times by the Christmas tree, or outside early in the morning.
8. Affection. I grew up in a home where we'd often just stop as we were passing each other in the halls, hug each other, speak a word of love, and then keep going. When I moved to Boston several years ago, someone gave me a hug and it choked me up--because I realized I had not been hugged in over a month.
9. Oreos. Double-Stuff. Dipped in milk for 11 seconds to soften them juuuust enough. You can see I have this down to a science. Which is why I hardly ever buy Oreos.
10. Laughter. It feeds a very, very big part of me.
11. John Acuff's new book "Stuff Christians Like." Hi.lar.i.ous. I laughed outloud so many times, I lost count!
12. An out-of-the-blue word of blessing or encouragement. An unexpected "You came to mind today" and especially "I prayed for you."
13. Wearing sassy pink toenail polish.
14. Flip flops. I never really understood the "big whoop" about these things until I was pregnant and discovered their glorious comfort. I am often asked why I don't wear warmer shoes--and it's true--I wear flip flops about 350 days out of the year. Plus, they give me a chance to show off my sassy pink toenail polish!
15. When God speaks on the same thing repeatedly, but in different ways. That sermon that ties in with that in-passing comment someone said that ties in with that interview I heard on the way to work that all ties in with Scripture and the confirmation of peace from the Holy Spirit. Love it!
16. Bringing clarity to the Word.
17. Presenting the Word in a way that makes it stick.
18. Cooking just for fun, adding and tweaking to make the perfect recipe. You'll notice that baking did not make this list. How on earth can you simultaneously manage to burn AND undercook the same thing? Oh, but somehow I manage to!
19. Hearing "Mommy!!!!" when I pick my children up after I've been away from them. Oh, it's good stuff.
20. When my husband fixes something for free that we would've had to pay big bucks for someone else to fix.
21. Plush, green grass.
22. Long drives in the car--alone. Well, not entirely alone--They are some of my sweetest times of prayer and worship. When I was a single woman, I went out for a long drive almost every night. That was before gas was like 7 bucks a gallon! Every now and then I still get in a long prayer drive. Absolutely refreshes my soul.
23. A cleaned-out car. Yes, I love it...But the biggest reason this makes me smile is because I know it makes my husband happy.
24. Our small group. They have grown so dear to me and I genuinely light up inside when we're together.
25. Kelly, my "bestie." It is an indescribable blessing to know and be known. Today is actually our "Best Friend Day." We became friends this day 21 years ago. Such a commemoration is lost on some people but it is dear to us. She sent me a little necklace with the initials of my husband and two kids--and honestly, it is exactly what I would have chosen for myself. Amazing. Plus, the girl is flippin' hilarious!
26. Putting my hand on my children's heads. I love doing this. Right now my hand just kind of rests on their heads as they stand at my sides, but as they grown I won't be able to just rest my hands on their heads--I'll have to reach up to the tops of their heads!
27. Chocolate-covered almonds. Oh, I know I'm speaking to somebody!
28. Sunshine. It can be 20 degrees outside, but as long as the sun is shining, I'm a happy girl!
29. The fact that our God positions us for His glory, "for such a time as this."
30. Zumba!!!!
31. My siblings. Being away from them is tough, but it's just so easy to pick up where we left off when we are together! Truly, my home was a safe place with a lot of love and laughter. And the three of us appreciate that foundation in our current lives.
32. Having absolutely nothing to do and nowhere to go. Each of the four of us is a bit of a homebody. We spent most of our weekends at home simply resting together as a family. And it's fun to have the freedom to go and do, simply because we want to. An open day on the calendar makes me smile!!!
33. A full camera battery, room on my camera card, and capturing priceless moments in a picture!
34. Hymns. I grew up singing them and they are precious to me! The other day I heard "Christ the LORD is Risen Today" and thought of my Nana belting out this very song every Easter. I also have to laugh when I remember how my dad used to change the words while we sang in church, like singing "When we get home I'm going to have some of that leftover pizza" to the tune of "What a Friend We Have in Jesus."
35. Successfully sneaking healthy stuff into my kids' food and watching them gobble it up. Mwah-ha-ha-ha!
36. Making memories and creating traditions. I'm doing it while I can because I don't know how many more years I'll be able to get away with painting Ailey's fingernails green while she's asleep and telling her the Leprechauns did it. But I want them to delight in Family Movie Night and Christmas traditions and Family Prayer Time and celebrating Christian Birthdays (Trev's was yesterday)!
37. Simplicity. I am truly happiest with the basics. I do not crave complication, nor thrive on being busy. I bloom where stillness is cultivated and wilt where it's not.
38. Discovering something new in a passage of Scripture I've read a dozen times. Loving the living and active Word of God for how relevant it is to you and to me today, right now, in these very circumstances.
39. Fellowship. Yes, I am absolutely an introvert--Love me some alone time. But fellowship is just so tremendously important, and I love being with people who know and love God.
40. A good dance-able song. I wonder at what age will I no longer feel the need to shake what my mama gave me when I hear a good song? I have not yet reached that age, I can tell you that!
41. When my husband uses his sweet name for me.
42. Running. Ha! I'm soooo kidding...
43. Seeing people get onboard with having a consistent quiet time with God. Very unfortunately, I think having an intentional, very deliberate, scheduled time with God on a daily basis is lost on so many believers. But if we believe that there's something to be gained from meeting with God, then shouldn't we reason that there's something to be missed if we don't? I'm just a tad passionate about this one. ;)
44. Frizz-free hair. You'll really only get this one if you too look like Diana Ross at the slightest exposure to humidity.
45. Being a girl. I love being a girl! I love the treasures of femininity.
46. When He moves mountains.
47. Seeing those little-by-little measures of growth in regards to fear of rejection and people-pleasing. There are times and instances when I know that something would have leveled me in the past, but standing in God confidence keeps me just that--standing.
48. Being in a place of utter and total dependence on God. I say that with a bit of mixed emotion because being in those places often means we have come to the end of ourselves, our resources, our ability to handle the situation, and that's so UNcomfortable. But there is no place sweeter!
49. Winning the "Pocket Lottery." Nothing like pulling your jacket out of the closet on the first chilly fall morning and finding a twenty in there!
50. Standing facing the ocean and considering the vastness of my God. He made it all, and he made me, too.

OPEN UP

A theme has been forming. It started a few weeks ago when I took this photo:

And then I ran across these photos of the bird nest on our porch last spring...

Then yesterday I was giving my daughter a shower, and although she's never done this before she tipped her head back, opened her mouth wide, and tried to drink the water.

All these images of heads tipped back, mouths open...coupled with the Holy Spirit bringing that verse to mind that says "Open wide your mouth and I will fill it."

I looked it up this morning. It's Psalm 81:10 and says

I am the LORD your God who brought you up out of Egypt. Open wide your mouth and I will fill it.

As I looked at it in the Hebrew, it translates like this:

I am Jehovah, your Elohim, who brought you out from the wilderness. Open up and make room and I will fulfill and accomplish.

But I'll be honest--I am too worn out and weary and broken emotionally, spiritually, and even physically to open my mouth and receive. He's calling me to do so--clearly He is. And I know that what He has called me to do, He will strengthen me to do. Good thing, too--because this girl has run out of herself. He has lovingly led me out of places of wilderness before, and I know He is mighty to do it again. I know it, even if I don't feel it right now. I want to "make room," that He may fulfill and accomplish and get every last bit of the glory. I just kind of don't even know what that looks like and I'll need Him to unveil that for me.

What will it look like for me to "make room?" I suppose it might start with me being emptied of myself.

And it might involve turning my focus from what is seen.

And I'm sure it will have something to do with some of that "against-all-hope" kind of faith and assurance.

And to be honest, it will probably only be possible if my Heavenly Father strengthens me to open my mouth.

FOUNDATION

Yesterday my daughter picked up this framed photo and was walking around looking at it. This was taken when Justin and I first started dating. I remember we'd taken the ferry over to Martha's Vineyard to have dinner that evening. Such a sweet memory! Those were the early days of the life we now share together.
After carrying this photo around for a few minutes, my daughter set it down onto my Bible that was sitting on the coffee table. "There you go!" she proclaimed.

I just took in the sight for a moment. I was struck by the image of me with my eventual husband resting upon the Word of God.

What a perfect foundation.

Because I think as believers, our common ground as husband and wife can become reduced to "Oh, yeah, we're both Christians." And while that's a really important place to start, what if there was more than that? What if the foundation of our marriage was not merely the fact that we both know Christ as our Savior--but that His very words from Proverbs to Song of Solomon to Ephesians were the basis for how we interact and speak and love?

I honestly can't think of a firmer foundation on which to base this whole "'Til death do us part" thing.

FASTER

I am a faster (Is that even a word when used in this context?).

In fact, I am one of many "fasters." My dear friends in my small group have committed to fast and pray together on Wednesdays for the next 12 weeks.

I must say, I am awesome at fasting. For the first hour of the day, anyway. That first waking hour seems to just fly by with ease. I'm like those disciples who had no problem staying awake for like the first 10 minutes when Jesus asked them to keep watch and pray.

But by about 7:05am I'm craving...and by the time we all break our fast when we arrive at small group on Wednesday nights, I am *ready* to do so. I make the expected pleasantries on my way in the door, but what I want to say is "For the love of Julio, get out of my way--you're blocking the chocolate!!!" My spirit is willing, but my flesh is weak.

And it's not just chocolate I can't have. What I've opted to do--the Daniel Fast--is like going vegan for a day, only even more restrictive. I did make a list entitled "You CAN have..." and tacked it to the fridge. I won't lie, there's really not much. The list would've fit on a post-it.

I'm whining a bit here, but only for the purpose of levity. I know that in fasting, we're called to go on living without ho-humming our way through it. This is just my honest admission that it's been tough! But my struggle is small compared to 40 days in the desert or the excruciating hours on the cross on my behalf. And as His follower, it's actually been an extraordinarily appropriate thing to deny myself, to refuse those whims to satisfy my flesh.

We're just not meant to cave to every craving.

One of the guys in small group said he'd heard this saying: "Fasting without focusing on God is just dieting." True words.

So it's not just about not getting to eat chocolate. Or meat or dairy or eggs or sweeteners of any kind. It's about feasting on the Word of God, refocusing my mind in prayer, and identifying with Christ in His sacrificial sufferings with every pang of hunger. Because 12 hours of brown rice couscous instead of chicken tortilla soup deliciousness 1 day a week is nothing compared to what my Jesus laid down. His body was not merely tamed by a few disciplined hours here and there. It was instead broken and pierced and wounded. Because had He not done so, there would be no hope for me. Should I dare count it too high a price to limit what I allow myself for a few hours each week?

I have never participated in Lent, but it's been on my heart to do so this year. I ultimately decided to stay off Facebook during this Lenten season. Again, it's about focus. I don't for one moment think Facebook is the root of all evil--I have seen God glorified through Facebook time and again. But in this season I am sensing a need to refocus on the LORD--especially as we approach Holy Week. It's so easy to get all the way to Easter Sunday morning without thinking about what Jesus did on our behalf, and I want it be my consuming focus rather than a fleeting thought sometime in the month of April. My family is also worthy of my undivided focus as well--another benefit of eliminating distractions right now.

Sure, I'll miss reading the fun status updates and seeing the photos for a few weeks. But again, what can be gained from a renewed focus on the things of God far outweighs it all.

Never in my life have I been so inundated with the words "fast and pray" as in recent months. It seemed so clear He was calling me--and several of us--to deny ourselves and fix our gaze upon Him in this way.

I can't wait to see how He reveals His love, His purpose, Himself in these coming weeks.

"GETTING IT" AS WE GROW

The older of my two children can be trusted to stay in the house. I don't really have to worry about him walking out the front door and going a-wandering. He's old enough to get the fact that the safest place for him to be is within our four walls.

The younger of my two children can't be trusted to stay in the house. If we didn't approach the situation with the diligence we do, I'm sure she'd be halfway to California before we even noticed she was missing. This is where deadbolts and doorknob covers come in! She hasn't yet learned that it's unsafe for her to be outside these four walls.

I think the same has been true in my own walk with God. In my early years as a believer, I heard sermons about it being worth it to remain within His will, but I think a part of me was still skeptical. I mean, was it really so detrimental to venture outside and do my own thing in certain areas? I think it's simply been time--experience--maturing and growing up in Him--that has served to convince me more and more that truly the only place I even WANT to be is within the safety of His will.

But I still have a way to go.

I'm like 95% convinced, anyway. But that other 5% is the part of me that goes jiggling the door handle, trying to get out of the one place where I'm safe. But just as my children grow in understanding of where they are safe, I want nothing more than to grow in that same understanding.

The only safe place to be is within the freedom of His will. I know that with my head, and I want that truth to penetrate every place in my heart. Maybe in time I'll be 100% convinced--and hopefully long before I'm soaking my dentures and trying not to break a hip!

LORD, please let me grow in the grace and knowledge of You. Remind me of how worth it I've found it to walk in your ways, and how dissatisfying it was to pursue any other path.

FLIMSY

Several years ago my Grandma was injured when she leaned against the railing on her back porch, and it snapped like a twig, sending her several feet down to the ground. The railing had rotted through and gave way the moment she put her weight on it.


She had leaned on something that simply couldn't hold her up.


"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding" (Proverbs 3:5). We've read it a million times, but have we considered why we aren't supposed to lean on our own understanding?


Because it's flimsy. And it just plain cannot hold us up.


And yet we do it, don't we? We operate on assumptions we make based on what we feel, and we make decisions based on what we perceive our circumstances to be. But our small, limited understanding of things is flimsy.

"I have nothing on my calendar and see nothing on the horizon."

"There's no way these bills are going to get paid."

"I'm over this relationship--it's never going to change. I'm done."

It's tough to lean on something other than what we can see. It's not easy to operate on faith, but the One in whom we have faith is a strong tower, a firm foundation. "Do not lean on your own understanding." It just can't hold you up.

But He will.

RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW

What if you believed that you just might be in your own "right here, right now" for a purpose? What if you considered the same question Mordecai asked a frightened Esther:

"And who knows if you have come to this position for such a time as this?"

What if you are married to your spouse for such a time as this--for these very moments within the eternal Kingdom of God? And what if right now in your marriage matters tremendously?

What if you were positioned to bear and raise up those very children (who are probably smudging up your windows and hiding crackers in the DVD player as you read this!)--the little ones who have the sweetest kisses and want an extra bedtime story and look to you to teach them what is true--What if your "right now" investments in them are really investments in the Kingdom?

Think through your current circumstances. How did you end up where you are? How did you end up where you are living--your state, your town, your street, your house? What if you have been planted there for such a time as this--for these very days you're living right now?

What about the way you earn your paycheck? What if you are in the position you are in right now because God has used you there, is using you there, and will continue to use you there? And what if these were the very moments in time you were meant to work there?

Think about the fact that you have been born in a time of crazy technological advances. Facebook, blogs, smart phones--what if you were positioned here on earth in this moment in time to use those things for His glory?

Going back to Esther--a woman who won her royal position strictly on the fact that God granted her FAVOR. What a position to hold! But it was not just about her. She was positioned to speak on behalf of the Jews whose annihilation had been ordered by Haman. She was put in that place--at that time--for far more than just to park her tush on a throne and smile pretty.

If God has granted you position--of any kind--husband, wife, parent, neighbor, leader, friend--then our ON-PURPOSE GOD has your good and His glory in mind. And it's about things that are way more far-reaching and long-lasting than you and I could ever imagine.

What if we are where we are for such a time as this?

...And what if we lived like it?