FAVORS I CAN'T EXACTLY REPAY

There are some favors I just can't return.  


Recently a friend with like 5,000 followers on Twitter tweeted, "You need to follow @theanelson - She'll encourage your heart with her insights!" 


I sent out a tweet later that day encouraging my followers--all 192 of them--to follow her.


It felt like an insignificant gesture.  She gave me a shout-out to 5,000.  I gave her a shout-out to 192.


What if I patted myself on the back for my super-generous gesture of putting her name in front of fewer than 200 people?  In light of what she did, my offering was pretty inconsequential.  


But we do that with God.  All. The. Time.


Hey, God--no need to thank me for sending that $20 check to Africa to feed that family that one time.  I know that was pretty big of me.  I know I totally have Your applause over that one.


Hey God, I know I rocked that blog post on forgiveness.  I know I got a big heavenly standing ovation for that one.  I know it was a pretty big gift for You to get from me, and You are welcome, by the way!


Really?


We make much of our offerings to a God who has provided every bite we've eaten, every dollar we've earned, every good thing we have, and--most importantly--every ounce of forgiveness we so desperately need.  


If I do a great job as a wife and a mom, it's a comparatively small offering in return.  An appropriate and important offering, but--in comparison--a small one.

If I put on an event that has people worshiping that night and picking up their Bibles the next day, I still haven't done anything greater than has already been done for me.  


Even if I spend a lifetime declaring the goodness of God and making much of Him, it will be a comparatively small response to the One who lost all, that I might have great gain.  

It was said among the nations, 

"The LORD has done great things for them."

The LORD has done great things for us,

and we are filled with joy.  

Psalm 126:2-3

BE ALL THERE

I'm elsewhere today--guest posting over at Royal Daughter Designs. Click *HERE* to head over there and read about my personal challenge to live a little less "online" and a little more present and serving these ones God has entrusted to me.

*Special thanks to Amanda, my talented blog designer and friend, for allowing me to share!

THREE TOUGH DAYS IN THE LIFE OF A MOM

There are 3 days a year that strike fear in this Mama's heart:

1. Day Three of Christmas Vacation.
2. Day Three of Spring Break.
3. Aaaand Day Three of Summer Vacation.

Why so difficult? Mainly because it's tough on my child. The novelty of *no school* has worn off a bit, and things begin to unravel. He's been used to a certain routine of getting up and heading out to a different world (called Kindergarten) for 8 hours every day, and now he's at home. All day. All the live-long day.

Where his sister takes his stuff.
Where mom tells him to go make his bed.
Where his day isn't quite so ordered.

So the fights happen. My kids are sweet but MAN can they throw down when they get on each others' nerves! You'd think one was a Red Sox fan and the other a Yankees fan (ugh, it hurts just saying it)...

And the rebellion kicks in.

And the house is messier with more people in it.

It's just a tough time of transition. For the kids. And, yes, for Mom and Dad, too.

But within a few days, we've got a new routine going. The fights subside a bit, and we know when it's time to break free from the house and go do something.

And we relish sleeping in late and snuggling together.

And we love going for evening drives as a family.

And after those first few crazy days, we are so glad

so thankful

so delighted

to be together as a family.

Heavenly Father, as the school year is winding down and the end of school approaches, I want to pray specifically for the transition into summer for our family and for the families of these dear readers. It's a challenge to come together when we've been apart--but how sweet it is to have those days of togetherness. Give us an extra measure of grace, patience, and wisdom in knowing how to handle the flare-ups and even the moments of defiance. And let these days with our precious babies be so very sweet. We love You, LORD.

* Do you ever go through the First-Days-of-Break Battles? What's been your favorite way to ease through the transition?

SOMETIMES IT'S A NO

I never owned a pair of Guess Jeans.

(Large sigh. Cue the violins for me and my first-world problems.)

My parents couldn't justify spending $58 (twenty years ago, mind you) for one pair of jeans. That just didn't seem like wise stewardship to them.

But to me it was like Stewardship, Shmewardship! I was all of 10 years old, and really, I just wanted what I wanted! And that was an excessively pricey pair of jeans with a triangle on the tush, just like everyone else had! Hey, the heart wants what it wants. And the tables have turned now. My Kindergarten-age son has informed me he's the only one without a pair of Skechers. And although I can't swing the $54 for the pair he really, really, really wants, the former 10 year old Thea sympathizes a little with the 6 year old him. Not enough to buy those shoes, but still. ;D

I must be honest, though. Why do I feel like I haven't fully outgrown this?

My "wanter" was way off then, but at times I think it's broken still. I want things that will inevitably end up in a yard sale 5 years from now. I want scenarios that are all kinds of wrong. I desire things that should have no room in my heart whatsoever.

And just as my parents held their ground about those jeans and just as I'll hold mine about those shoes, my LOVING AND GOOD Heavenly Father says no. Again and again. As many times as I need to hear it.

Keep saying NO, Lord. Tell us NO when we want things that have no part in Your perfect plans for us. Strengthen us to understand that when you say NO, You have a mighty good reason--one that is ultimately for Your glory and our good. Fix our "wanters" to want what You want for us!

Your plans are not to deprive us, but to give us a hope and a future. THANK YOU that every NO you say is motivated by Your crazy-big love for us.

MY HANDS IN THE OFFERING PLATE

I stole from the offering plate.

I wish I could say it never happened, or maybe that it only happened once and I learned my lesson.

But I've done it several times.

People don't even know that what they thought they were giving to the Lord, I have taken for myself.

And maybe I'm not the only one. Maybe your hand has been in the offering plate, too.

Oh, I'm not talking about offerings of dollars and cents, but offerings of praise.

You know the drill--Someone pays you a compliment, and instead of acknowledging the Lord and passing it along quickly to Him, you wear it around for awhile. Maybe a little too long.

Now, I want to be clear--I haven't taken these things because I want to be up on some pedestal. I'm not some diva who needs to be celebrated. I've stolen His praise because it's made me feel like I'm simply okay.

I've dressed myself in His praise not for my own elevation--but for my validation.

I've worn the accolades meant for Him because I've thought they would give me worth--and that perhaps I'm not worth much without them. But the garments of His glory don't fit me, and were never meant to. I'm like a child parading around in her mother's clothes, only I'll never grow into them.

And I shouldn't even struggle with this. I was raised in a home full of love. But the world outside that safe home has been cold outside, and I've been wounded. I've believed those who have said I'm not worth much. And so I've dipped my hands into His praises and taken them for my own.

Isaiah 42:8 says "I am the LORD, that is My name! I will not give My glory to another or My praise to idols."

And so I'm learning. He's been reminding me that His love for me compelled Him to the cross. That's what defines me. I have worth because He said so. He doesn't want me pursuing the praises of man as my source of validation--He is my validation.

But it's more than that. He wants me to get my hands off His glory for my own good. It's like He's been saying, "Thea, My praise in your hands is like a hot potato. If you pass it along quickly to Me, you'll be kept safe. But if you hold My praise too long, it will burn you."

I would never dream of reaching into the offering plate and church and taking money out. But I've had to learn that grabbing at His glory will undo me.

Psalm 29:1 says "Ascribe to the Lord glory and strength, ascribe to the Lord the glory due His name." It's not just what I'm commanded to do, it's what I really want to do.

I'm learning to get my hands out of the offering plate and let His praise be His praise.

WHY I CAN'T TAKE OFF YET

The other morning I got stopped at a red light beside the airport. I turned to see a plane at the start of the runway and felt a huge nudge in my heart. I felt the Holy Spirit saying, "Watch."

And so I did.

I watched the plane begin to pick up speed. More and more. And by the end of the long, long runway, the plane had finally built up the speed and momentum to take off.

And there was the lesson. A plane has never taken off at the beginning of the runway.

Why do I expect it to be any different in my own life?

Why am I caught off guard when my kids don't fall in line the first time I teach them a lesson?

Why does that credit card statement still have that ugly number on it when we've thrown every possible penny at that account?

Why do I bum hard when I'm still in the same size jeans even after working out/eating well for a whole entire week?

Why am I nearly pulling my hair out when my very first event isn't coming together as easily as I would like?

I'll tell you why. I have no momentum. Not yet, anyway.

After a recent moment of high frustration in developing this event coming up, my husband said to me, "Just think of anyone you know who did anything important. Did it happen easily for them? No. Did things come together on their first try? Nope. They faced rejection. Things didn't go the way they thought. They weren't sure anything was ever going to come of all their efforts. Why should it be any different with this?"

Point taken. And interestingly enough, that conversation took place the same day I watched that plane take off. From the END of the runway, mind you. Not the beginning.

Father, I will keep trying to be faithful every single day. This week that looks like working to find a location. But I truly need YOUR power to bring about what I totally believe originated with YOU. I will be a good steward in Your strength, but I ask for Your power and providence to bring about the MOMENTUM I lack at this point. Thank you for ordering my steps to watch that plane take off that morning--not the moment it hit the runway, but at the end of it.

I lift up anyone reading this who needs some momentum in their lives right now. Let Your Holy Spirit confirm in their hearts what THEY can do this week, then strengthen them to do it. But God, please come through in doing what ONLY You can do to give momentum to Your sons and daughters who just want to see Your name lifted up. In the able and mighty name of Jesus, Amen.

LET US NOT GROW WEARY IN DOING GOOD
FOR AT THE PROPER TIME WE WILL REAP A HARVEST
IF WE DO NOT GIVE UP.
Galatians 6:9
(Have this one memorized yet?)

WHAT FLOSS AND TRUTH DID TO ME

So I'm a bit of a tooth-flossing fanatic.

It started 12 years ago when I saw an episode of Oprah (no, seriously) that said it can literally take years off your life NOT to floss. Well, done. I became a flosser. Anyone who bought stock in floss before that episode aired is sitting pretty today. (You're welcome.)

But flossing has had an annoying little side effect:

Now I have to do it.

Because now I can totally feel if there's anything in there. And it will drive me up a tree until I can get it out.

Wasn't it better when I wasn't so aware of what was in there? Maybe. But what I wasn't aware of was causing problems.

Being in the Word has done that, too. It has shone a spotlight on all the junk in my heart, all the things that shouldn't be there, and all the stuff that needs to go.

Wasn't it better when I wasn't so aware of what was in there? Maybe. But what I wasn't aware of was causing problems.

So now when pride is prevalent in me, I'm more aware it's there. Its presence is grating and glaring until I actually deal with it. When I am self-centered, the Word makes it obvious--and I have to do something about it. My lack of grace is too in-my-face to avoid. My bitterness is undeniable, and my disobedience too discernible to deny.

That's a lot to bring to the surface. It's annoyingly obvious that I have such a long way to go--and in so many ways. Wasn't it better when I wasn't so aware of what was in there?

I'm not so sure.

Search me, O God, and know my heart,
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalm 139:23-24

Let us examine our ways and test them,
and let us return to the LORD.
Lamentations 3:40

I am grateful for Your Word. Yes, it illuminates my weakness and magnifies my desperate need for You, and while that's not always easy, it is necessary. I can't be all You created me to be apart from it. I need You to use these God-breathed words to sanctify me through and through.

IT'S GOING TO HURT HERE...BUT NOT THERE

God is good. But today was cruddy.

Five years ago today, we had a heartbreaking ultrasound and an unexpected loss. And so every March 20th since, I've made plans to do something fun with my kids to ease the hurts of that difficult day.

Today I took Liley to one of those paint-your-own-pottery places. We were going to paint a tile and add it to our others that we've painted over the years.

So there we were...a four-year old girl plus a "You-break-it-you-buy-it" policy.

(You see where this is headed.)

I heard the sound of shattering ceramic and spun around to see my wide-eyed little girl staring at the pieces.

The owner walked to the register and waited for me there with a stern look on her face (This was the "You-break-it-you-buy-it" part). Without a word, I met her at the register and pulled out my wallet.

The problem was, I had budgeted only a certain amount for this pottery day, and what I had to pay for that shattered Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle was three times what I had budgeted for our time there, so we had to leave without painting anything.

So basically we showed up, broke something, paid for it, and left.

But not before the tears started.

Not my daughter's. Mine.

I told my sweet girl it was okay, that I knew it was an accident, that I wasn't upset. But something inside me was so profoundly sad for a lot of reasons in that moment. I didn't even finish paying for the broken pottery before my face crumpled up and I headed straight into the ugly cry.

"Super pleasant shop owner" appeared unmoved. I know she didn't understand what day it was. Nor that I had so looked forward to doing something fun with my little one on a day that always stings a bit. Nor that it killed me to pay $16 of our family's money for something and have nothing to show for it.

Even worse, I couldn't stop the tears. We left the shop but even when we got into the car, I cried harder than I have in a long time. I tried hard to stop my crying because I did NOT want my daughter to think my tears were about her breaking the figurine. I finally had to pull over, step out of the car for a moment, and pull myself together.

This was just one of those days when I realized something: God is good, I know that. But when things hurt, they hurt. His love is my strength and peace. But it doesn't make me immune to disappointment.

We're not spared hurts, losses, or heartaches. Stuff gets broken. People suffer. This world disappoints and comes up short.

But you know what? That's actually a blessing. Really. The hurts we encounter remind us that we weren't made for this world. We long for heaven when we hurt.

And that is such a gift.

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.
Revelation 21:4

HELPING MY HANDS

Big day around our house yesterday: Trevor learned to tie his shoes.

((Sigh.)) Of joy and of excitement, and a mixture of "Finally!" and "It's going by too quickly."

Last night during our family prayer time, our little guy prayed, "Jesus, thank You that I can tie my shoes now. Thank You for helping my hands to do it. I just love You so much, Jesus."

Thank You for helping my hands to do it. I love that.

Father, I find myself thinking ahead to all You will do in and through this child. Please strengthen Trevor for everything that he will do. Help his hands do all of what You've prepared him to do.

All of it.

Strengthen his hands to comfort people. To hold his future wife and to cradle his children one day. Help his hands to build and bless and fix and teach, and point people toward You.

Thank you for what he was able to accomplish for the first time today--and for every accomplish for which You'll make a way. Amen.

LEAVE THIS BLOG IMMEDIATELY

If you've spent any time on here then you know my heart to be intentional in my time with my children. That's why I love the post I read a few minutes ago. I wanted to shout "Yes!!!" every few moments.

Seriously, if you're a mom or ever hope to be, please leave this blog and go read THIS POST by Sarah Mae. It's so important!

Enjoy. Be blessed. Be challenged to make this time count!

CAN BETH MOORE PLEASE ADOPT MY CHILDREN?

I saw this tweet on Twitter this morning -- Beth Moore speaking Scripture over her grandson, praying fervently for him.

And for a split second I thought, "That little guy is so lucky. I wish Beth Moore would pray over MY children!"

But as I thought about it, I realized that Beth Moore doesn't have "magic" prayers. She is a devoted follower of Christ who brings requests before the throne.

Just like you and I can and should.

Don't get me wrong--Beth Moore absolutely rocks. What a godly woman of the Word--and we know the prayer of the righteous one is effective! But if there is anything "magical" about her prayers, it's that SHE ACTUALLY PRAYS THEM.

I've done enough of her studies to understand her heart for the generations to come. She prays for her children and grandchildren and for the ones who have yet to be born. She proclaims freedom, cries out for liberty, and prays the Word of God over her descendants.

But you know what? So do I! So do you! We share her desperation for generations to come to know Jesus and love His Word, and Almighty God hears our prayers on their behalf.

It might be strange to say, but what if we prayed for our descendants with the same confidence that those prayers would be heard and answered as we would have if Beth Moore would lay hands on our children and pray for them?

Father, remind us often to ASK for your favor to rest on our children, their children, and the ones to come. Keep the long-term in our minds and eternity in our hearts. Your name and renown are the desire of OUR (past, present, future) hearts.

I WANT TO BE LIKE WHAT'S-HER-NAME

Yep. I want to be like this woman.

Recognize her? Of course not. But this is Henrietta Mears. And up until a week ago I had never even heard of her, let alone was I able to pick her out of a lineup.

But she impacted the lives of those who are impacting lives.

Like Billy Graham. Perhaps the name rings a bell.

Henrietta Mears was Billy Graham's Bible teacher. She mentored him and pointed him toward the truth of the Word over the course of many years.

This makes me want to stand up and cheer. This resonates tremendously with me because I feel that my greatest job as a wife and mom is to send Justin and our two children out into the world to make an impact for the Kingdom. I pray often and with great desperation for their impact, and I want them to go and be all about His name and renown. And if I never did anything that anybody knew about, but my husband and children did things for which I have prayed in the name of furthering the Kingdom of God, I'd be plenty fine with that.

But I do think that although they are most precious to me, my own influence is to be beyond my family. This is what's at the heart of why I felt compelled to put on the event on which I've been working for Dream Year. I honestly believe there are people out there who are not opening their Bibles, and I'm sure they're getting by. But when they do begin to immerse themselves in truth? Look out.

I mean, look out!

I want to do whatever I can to get men and women to believe that the Word is for THEM--the lamp unto their feet and the light unto their path. Because when they are so persuaded, I am absolutely convinced that the world will be significantly impacted for the Kingdom. Generations will be impacted. Truth will be taught. Daily lives will be shaped by the instruction of the Word. Divine power will demolish strongholds. And THAT makes me want to stand up and cheer.

No one may ever know your name, or be able to recognize who you are. In 100 years very few of our names will be on the tip of anyone's tongue. We'll be long gone to Heaven, while this world will still need truth.

So--right now--we can be about making the impacts that are going to make the impacts!

LORD, focus our hearts on living with intentionality, making the most of every opportunity in the time you give us. Take what we can do and multiply it to make Your name known, long beyond our lives here. Keep us remembering the ripple effect of truth, and how we can impact others, that they may impact others.

GETTING TO KNOW YOU

I was tagged by Amanda, my awesome blog post designer, to share a little bit about myself. Let's face it--we're a lot of names, photos and posts in this little blog world. But I'm also a wife, mom, bestie, daughter, sibling, friend, and most of all a needer and receiver of the tremendous and unearned grace of Jesus.

1. What is your dream vacation?

I would love to spend a week on the beach in Destin, Florida in September when the chaos of summer dies down. The first 3 days would be all four of us having a great time as a family, taking pics of the kids splashing in the water and playing in the sand--and then the last 4 days I'd want time alone with Justin. Sleeping late, having my quiet times at sunrise with a fabulous cup of coffee, digging my toes in the sand and reading for hours...and every day would be perfectly sunny and warm (the CA girl in me is putting in that request). That would be absolute perfection!

2. If you could have lunch with anyone from any time in history, who would it be and why?

I think I'd want to have lunch with my Great Grandmother Angie Sperry. I knew her, but not well, as she died when I was in elementary school. Leaving a legacy was important to her, as it very much is to me.

3. What is the one beauty tip you know you should do, but you just don't do it?

Ooooh....wearing sunscreen daily year-round. It just feels so greasy and I don't like the smell. I mean, it's kind of weird listening to Christmas music in December while you smell like Miss Spring Break Hawaiian Tropic! Still, this Norwegian, burn/peel/white again girl should probably buck up and slather on the SPF....

I will say that I actually DO floss (which is probably the thing most people don't do but know they should). In fact, I probably floss a little too much. Like, 3 times a day.

3. Do you like roller coasters?

The ones that go upside down? Yes! The ones that feel like you left your stomach somewhere up at the top of that last dip? Um, no thank you.

4. What song always gets stuck in your head?

Well, as a mom of two young kids, I make a lot of PB & J sandwiches, so I'd have to say "PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!" runs through my head a lot. And now it's gonna be running through your head, too. You're welcome.

5. What color is your toothbrush?

Pink. Love me some pink. Now if they can just make pink floss! ;)

6. What is your favorite movie?

I love funny movies. I'll choose something funny over a drama any day of the week. That being said, I also love Jerry Maguire (minus that one ridiculously unnecessary scene). Fave line of the movie (and no, it's not "You complete me" or "You had me at hello"): "To be honest, in life I've failed as much as I'm succeeded. But I love my wife. I love my life. And I wish you my kind of success." I also love Shawshank Redemption. Incredibly powerful movie.

7. Do you make a Christmas wish list for yourself each year?

No. Almost the opposite! I often ask my husband to please, please, please not get me anything. I think he pretends not to hear me. I am not just saying this but I REALLY MEAN IT that my Christmas/Birthday present every year is getting to be home for our family. My present comes daily in that form. But if I did have a dream list, and if I get to dream really big, it would be for a 1.8mm camera lens. :)

8. What kind of car do you drive?

That would be a 2007 Kia Optima that seriously needs to be cleaned out right now. My dream car is a paid-off car...which is our Honda Accord. We're at least getting closer on the Kia!

9. Would you rather forget your mom's birthday or Mother's Day?

Yikes...neither! I had friends who lost their mom to MS when we were all in college and it (understandably) upset them when people didn't really take the time to honor their mothers, because they no longer had the opportunity. I try and think of that every year--how can I honor my mom and my stepmom--because I GET TO?

* All for now! Now I'm tagging Denise at Victory Road and Dina at These Notions. :)

WHEN THE WALLS GET BLOWN OFF

We spent Friday night huddled in our downstairs powder room, kids wearing their bike helmet, taking our cues from the blaring tornado siren outside and riding out the storms.

The tornado steered clear of our area, but an elementary school the next town over wasn't so lucky.

News reports showed footage of the damage done to the school building, and I was intrigued by one scene I saw:

The roaring cyclone smashed into a classroom wall, reducing it to a pile of broken cinder blocks. But, interestingly, everything inside the room appeared completely unaffected. Books were still perfectly arranged on bookshelves, desks remained undisturbed. Based on the ferocity of the storm that came against the outside of the building, you could reasonably expect a disheveled mess on the inside.

But it wasn't. It was totally undisturbed instead.

Don't you want to be that way? I want to be that way--that when the storms rage and hammer against me, peace will be prevalent inside.

I'm not there.

But I'm more there than I used to be.

Storms are inevitable. We can expect them. "Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you" (1 Peter 4:12). Hard times are par for the course. But the next verse puts them in perspective: "But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed." The peace of Jesus Christ that rules in our hearts? It STEADIES us--because we eagerly anticipate the revelation of His glory when we suffer.

Glorious God, let us be PEACEFUL people because we know Your power prevails, no matter how things look along the way. Convince us that You are constantly pursuing Your glory and our good even when the hardest things hit us. And WHEN (not if) the storms rage, let us be found undisturbed inside because Your peace is ruling in our hearts. Amen.

LOVED

On Thursday as I sat outside soaking up the deliciously warm sunshine, I found myself begging the LORD for this one thing: "Can I please feel Your love even greater than the warmth I'm feeling right now?" After a rough couple of weeks, it was the warmth of His favor I longed for.

I was up at 4am today with my answer.

He woke me with the memory of a day when I had a break between college classes and decided to take my dad a special lunch. I made him a delicious chicken dish--my specialty--and a side of creamy rice. I wrapped everything up and drove it over to the school where he teaches.

When I walked into my dad's room, his face lit up like a Christmas tree. He hadn't yet seen what I had done for him--his face simply lit up at the sight of me. When I showed him what I'd brought, he beamed (what an upgrade over the PB&J he'd packed)! Then he paraded me around with a grin a mile wide, introducing me to co-workers and students, telling them of the lunch I'd made for him.

I went back a few weeks later--this time, empty-handed. I didn't bring him a special lunch. I had nothing to offer him.

But the warmth of his love was still so very much there for me. He still grinned a mile wide when I walked in. He still paraded me around, introducing me to co-workers and students, telling them who I was to him. He delighted in me even in my empty-handedness.

And it's the love of my Heavenly Father, too. He welcomes me and receives me with unmatched delight. He announces who I am to Him with a banner over me that shouts

_______________________________________

* L O V E ! * She is my beloved! She's mine!

_______________________________________

Just as I am, not as I do. He loves me as much when my hands bring nothing to the table as when I arrive with offerings of "Look what I did for you." He brought me to His banquet room, and His banner over me is * L O V E *.

You take great delight in me * You quiet me with Your love * You rejoice over me with singing
Numbers 6:26

Thank You, Father. You know I needed this. Even in my brokenness You remind me that I don't need to have an offering in my hand for You to love me. Your love for me is absolutely ridiculous, totally unearned and completely inexplicable, but I am just so grateful for it.

THE SLOWEST FAST

This past week I finished the Daniel Fast, a 21-day partial fast as mentioned in the first chapter of Daniel. The only reason I'm recapping in this public forum is that when I searched for others' experiences with this fast, I found a lot of the same kind of recap posts -- but not one that even kind of resembled my own experience.

"Amazing!" was a word many used to describe their journey on this fast. "I felt God's presence constantly during the 21 days!" was also really, super-duper common.

Meanwhile, I struggled. A lot.

I was reluctant in the first place to commit to a 21-day fast that permitted only fruit, veggies, brown rice and pasta, and water, in a nutshell. Why? Am I really all that hooked on dairy and meat?

No. But I was crazy-hooked on sugar.

I have hypoglycemia, and for a long time I've needed sugar to feel good. As long as I haven't let my blood sugar drop, I've been fine, but when it has dropped, I've felt really crummy, and sugar has been the remedy. Don't get me wrong--I actually eat pretty well. It's just that I've always added a lot of sugar to the healthy stuff.

So the idea of no sugar was not exactly a welcome one. But the first week of February, I just knew it was time. Time to lay all things down. Time to start the Daniel Fast.

Day 1 was surprisingly fine. I didn't feel cruddy, even without sugar.

Aaaand then Day 2 hit me like a flippin' ton of bricks. I was extremely sick to my stomach, and I spent the day holding my pounding head in my hands. I prayed and prayed for strength, and after several hours of the terrible pain, I finally burst into tears--but I kept praying. I'll tell you right now, if this had just been some diet, there is *NO WAY* I would have persevered through it. But it wasn't. I saw SO many spiritual parallels to what was taking place in my body; I needed the LORD God to be my strength, and He was my strength. I knew He was preparing for the purification of my spirit just as my body was being purified of the toxins that had built up over time. I felt like I was experiencing a physical version of the refiner's fire, and to say that it was rough would be an understatement.

But you want to know something? DAY 2 WAS MY FAVORITE DAY OF THE ENTIRE FAST. God's presence was apparent. And really, that was all I wanted.

On Day 3, I felt fine. Never even kind of felt sick after that. But after the testing of my body came the testing of my spirit.

God got really quiet.

I spent lots of time in the Word. I literally got on my face before God. I prayed bold prayers. I protected my mind from that which would defile my thoughts. I tried to be a good steward in all things including time with my family, and working on the event I'm planning. I can't tell you how many emails I sent (that didn't get answered, or got answered in a way that sent me back to the drawing board), how many phone calls I made (that all seemed to yield zero fruit), and how many brick walls I ran up against. I praised God. I sat silently before God. I sought His face, His glory, His fame, and His renown.

And still, He seemed so...very...quiet. Like, quieter than He usually is when I'm not even fasting.

Hear me when I say that the silence was way, way, way more difficult than anything I experienced on Day 2. Because at least on Day 2, He presence was undeniable.

I googled "Daniel Fast Recap" to see if anyone else had a similarly silent experience. Maybe people did have an experience like mine, but if they did, they sure didn't post about it. It was all sunshine and rainbows and clear revelations and awareness of God's constant presence from the other Daniel Fast-ers. And it hurt because I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong. Not to mention the fact that the 21 days seemed to last forever. All I knew was that this fast was the gosh-darn slowest "fast" I had ever experienced.

Days 8 through 11 I wanted to throw a boot at God. Can't say that I usually--ever--feel that way, but there's no other way to describe those particular 4 days. But I pressed on to seek His face, even though his silence stung.

Day 19 was pretty rough also. I was down 10 pounds, but I honestly could not have cared less. I seriously would've traded every lost pound for a moment of hope, revelation, peace, or some sort of evidence of God's hand making a way.

I ended the 21-day fast on Wednesday in prayer and in the Word, just as I had spent the previous three weeks. I feel like my tastebuds have changed, and I am happy to say that my sugar addiction is a stronghold that has broken. :)

As for the specific things for which I prayed--well, I still don't have visible answers. On ANY of them.

BUT...

I know that I know that I know GOD IS GOOD. Faithful. Sovereign. Ridiculously and inexplicably in love with me. Worthy of my trust. At work, though I cannot see the evidence of it.

I am continuing to passionately seek His face. I still trust Him. Yes, His seemed silence was nearly unbearable--mostly because it hurt me. But I know I will YET praise Him for His faithfulness. I have YET to speak a heartfelt HALLELUJAH over the works of His hands.

I welcome your prayers. I really do. My spirit is bruised and my heart is still tender, even though I hold to what I know is true of my God. I am confident of this--God is YET to be praised. He is making a way in the wasteland in spite of my inability to perceive it.

Clinging to the One I KNOW is faithful,

HELP ME HELP YOU

My interaction with God the last few weeks has felt eerily similar to this scene out of "Jerry Maguire."

Have you ever felt like you are walking through an "up at dawn, pride-swallowing siege" in hopes of advancing the Kingdom? I'm there.

I. Am. So. There.

I have done all I know to do. Been on my face in prayer. Been still before Him. Purified my heart and even my body to be consecrated for His purposes. Hustled. Run up against brick walls. Been rejected.

And all I am trying to do is to put on an event to inspire people to open their Bibles.

I find myself begging God to help me serve Him. To let His favor rest on me as I run this race He has marked out for me.

But it seems quiet. A kind of "quiet" that is maddening to a girl who is working her butt off.

I wouldn't be surprised if God was up there saying, "You are hanging on by a very thin thread. And I DIG that about you!" I want to hang it up. Been tempted to do so several times this last week alone. But something tells me He will be glorified in my hanging on.

LORD God, let this be the quiet before the glory-filled storm! Break forth and come through in Your might and power. Make a way where there really seems to be no way! I am just trying to serve You faithfully. Please, please strengthen me to do so!

SO MUCH FOR THAT

I took a pregnancy test 7 years ago today.

It was negative.

I tossed it in the trash can, fought back tears and thought, "So much for that." My dream of being a mom wasn't going to be realized. Not this month, anyway.

Or so I thought.

The next morning was Valentine's Day. I jumped in the car to head out to work, but remembered I'd left something upstairs in my room. I ran back into the house and was headed for my bedroom, but I suddenly stopped in my tracks. And, for no particular reason at all, I turned back toward the hall bathroom where my hopes had been dashed the night before. I walked into the bathroom, picked up the trash can, looked inside, and saw it.

A positive pregnancy test.

To this day I don't really know how to explain it. I just know there was one line the night before (I waited plenty long enough before checking the test, trust me), and the next day there were two lines.

And eight months later, I was the mother of a beautiful baby boy.

How often do we discount what God is doing, assuming things just aren't going to happen--even if we have pretty legitimate reasons for thinking so? We think things are dead in the water, throw our hands up in the air and say, "So much for that." In our minds and hearts we put up headstones over the hopes and dreams we assume aren't going to be realized.

BUT GOD.

God moves even in our lack of perception of Him moving. When it appears something's dead in the water, He is often breathing life into the situation.

Even Lazarus' family, who had a pretty legitimate reason to believe all hope was lost for their brother (seeing as how he was dead and all), should instead have been preparing to celebrate his restoration to life. The story was far from over, and the glory of God had yet to be seen in that situation.

Be encouraged. Some of the very things you and I are tempted to write off as dead in the water are far from it.

I know. Because the proof of it is running around the house playing with trains right now.

Thank You, Gracious Heavenly Father.

I AM A MOTHER OF FIVE

I have five children.
1. My firstborn, "T." My understanding of love blew wide open when I first held him. I've lost count of the times I have stooped over my sleeping son and begged the LORD for my son's life to SHOUT of the greatness of our God.

2.My daughter, "Liley," who is essentially a bunch of joy crammed into one tiny person. I am desperate to see her walk in the safe and good ways of God all the days of her life.

3.My second son, whose name I know in my heart but I don't share. Stitched into my heart though never in my arms. It's okay. I will know him in Heaven.

4. __________________. I haven't met her yet, but I pray for her. Right now she's only someone else's daughter, but I am covering her with prayer as though she is my own. And when my son marries her, I will gain her as my daughter. I don't know where she is right now. But I am already crying out for the hand of God to preserve her and protect her for the life she'll share with our son.

5. _________________. I haven't met him yet, but I pray for him. Right now he's only someone else's son, but I am covering him in prayer as though he is my own. And when my daughter marries him, I will gain him as my son. I don't know where he is right now, nor his name that my daughter will one day take. But I am already crying out for the hand of God to preserve him and protect him for the life he'll share with our Liley.

Father, please keep us praying for the ones our children will marry! Bring this to mind often so we will persistently pray over our future sons and daughters!

MISSING LETTERS

A B C __ E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Guess what's missing from my keyboar*?

Turns out, not having that one letter really hin*ers my ability to easily communicate.

*o you ever feel like there are people in your life who are just annoying or *ifficult enough to make you wish you *i*n't even have to *eal with them at all?

The bo*y is not ma*e up of one part, but of many. If the whole bo*y were an eye, where woul* the sense of hearing be? If the whole bo*y were an ear, where woul* the sense of smell be? But in fact Go* has place* the parts in the bo*y -- every one of them -- just as He wante* them to be. The eye cannot say to the han*, "I *on't nee* you!" nor can the hea* say to the feet, "I *on't nee* you!" (1 Corinthians 12)

Sometimes you can't see how much you nee* a part of you until it's no longer at your *isposal. I once broke the thumb on my *ominant han*, and it was nearly impossible to accomplish anything that use* to come so easily. I also broke my baby toe a while back--It was amazing how that one teeny, tiny part of me ha* the capability to re*uce me to a pathetic heap on the floor when I caught it on a *oorway! An* the simple task of walking with a broken toe? Forget it. Even though the other 99% of my bo*y was fine, when that one tiny part was broken, the whole thing suffere*.

We nee* every part. Every part! Even those people who annoy the ever-lovin' heck out of you. Even the ones who aren't easy to love. Even the ones who stir the pot, say the wrong thing, and try to make everything about themselves.

True--maybe she nee*s to get over herself. And maybe it's an un*erstatement to say he's a work in progress. But so am I! I myself am in *esperate nee* of grace and un*erstan*ing. I certainly have no business *iscounting someone else's contribution to the King*om simply because they're *ifficult. Every part is important. The Bo*y just woul*n't be as effective without them.

Father, I nee* grace to see people as You see them. When I feel like a situation woul* be better without someone, allow me to see their great value in the King*om. Forgive me for sometimes writing people off or missing their great worth.